A Beat in My Heart (Patient X)
by Jadeblueafterglow17
Summary: Patient Zero is the origin of any disease. Sometimes being last can end in disaster. This is a Vignette... with Character death ...but you'll get a happy ending for Beverly with some Picard/Crusher fluff. Warning! WesleyTorture, BeverlyAngst. Review Please;
1. Chapter 1: Patient X

**Title: A Beat in My Heart (Patient X)**

**Author:** Jadeblueafterglow17

**Disclaimers:** If I could make a profit, I wouldn't be teaching. Characters belong to Paramount...story idea is mine.

**Summary:** Patient Zero is the origin of any disease. Sometimes being last can end in disaster.

_Note: This vignette is dedicated to my brother, Michael. He acquired Colon\Liver Cancer at age 43, he was given less than 1 months to live. He suffered through surgery and several rounds of chemo and fought to live 11 months. At age 44 he is my inspiration and my big brother I love dearly. I miss you Mike. M.A.R. May 27-1968 - August 21-2012_

**Chapter 1**: Last But Not Least?

Stardate: 44117.85 ( July 22, 2366)  
******************************************************************************************************************

Wesley sat in his stellar cartography class doodling on his PADD. He yawned for the eighth time this hour and tried desperately to stay awake for the remaining minutes of the class.

He never considered himself a daydreamer, but the pounding behind his eyes, and the sheer lethargy consuming him, made it difficult to concentrate in class. All he could think about was that the Enterprise was due for shore leave in just five short days, and he'd never needed it more than he did right now.

In his wildest daydream he couldn't even begin to fantasize of frolicking on some sun drenched beach with a beautiful woman at his side, all he could dream of was a nice warm bed and an alarm clock smashed to bits on the nightstand beside him. If there happened to be a beautiful bikini clad girl nearby giving him a massage and whispering sweet nothings in his ear, then those were certainly brownie points in this particular dream.

Wesley was snatched from his pleasant thoughts as he noticed his classmates began to disperse. He gathered his materials and hurriedly walked out of his class. As Wes reached the exterior hallway, a familiar twitch of his nose assailed him.

In an instant his facade of calm faded as a series of rapid force sneezes came from his nose and mouth causing him to lean against the wall as some of the others around him dispersed cautiously away from him.

"Uh oh Wes!"

"Huh?" (achooo!) "What?" (Achoo!)..." he groaned as a petite young brunette handed him a tissue.

"Thanks." he replied. She reached up on her tippy toes and stroked a few unruly hairs away from his forehead feeling the cool clammy skin beneath.

He blushed under her featherlite touch as a rush of warmth flooded his body.

Wesley had been on an away mission the last two days and his skin couldn't help but take on the sun lit olive glow that he now had as a result of working on the planet adorned by two stars. His hair had taken on a lighter brown with a hint of auburn, and his eyes twinkled an unusual hazel as they slipped behind almond shaped eye lids with long lashes. Now as he stood conversing with his friends he was oblivious to the young girls at his side stroking his hunter green sweater sleeve and staring at him dreamily.

"You better hope you're not getting sick Crusher. Our exam is tomorrow, and it's gonna be a killer."

Wesley pointed at his head. "It's all up here Parker."

"Well care to share with those of us who aren't super geniuses?" Wesley felt a blush comes to his already peaked cheeks, he hadn't meant to sound cocky.

Wes wiped his face and nose suddenly feeling as though his head was now a balloon on a string. Robert Parker stepped back as the sneezing continued. "Maybe we can (achoo) study later...(cough)...(sniff)... ok?"

"Yeah right Crusher ...if you're still alive I'll meet you in 10-forward after your shift 2200 hours...?"

"Sure..." Wesley tried to smile but could only manage a grimace as he tried to suppress another sneeze. Something must have triggered this fit of sneezing he thought. Although he loved dogs, and cats, he was dreadfully allergic to them.

Maybe someone had the fur on their sweater. Wesley shrugged as he continued down the corridor on his way to his quarters. By the time he reached his room he'd already started to shiver. He slipped off his clothing, pulled his uniform from the closet and was assaulted by the cold temperature of his quarters.

He went into the bathroom and stared at his reflection. Gone was the youthful expression of the 16 year old boy, in its place was a pale boy with a bright pink nose, already peaked from sneezing and wiping. Wes prayed it was a simple cold, he was too busy to be sick. As he ran his fingers through his unruly hair, he stared longingly at his bed behind him in the mirrors reflection. It would be so easy to curl up under the covers until he felt better.

He'd have to stop by sickbay during his break, perhaps his mother would have something for the innocuous symptoms he was experiencing. He splashed water on his face and went to put on his uniform.

Arriving on the bridge, he managed to make it to his seat on time for duty without too much effort. They were docked planetside and would be en route to Earth soon. Wesley, as navigator, would be in charge of docking the Enterprise in the next 96 hours at McKinley station. He was so looking forward to that. He'd never flown the Enterprise manually under those conditions. If he nailed it he could be promoted to full Ensign soon.

First things first, he had to navigate the ship out of the gravitational pull of the planet below. He scanned the instrument panel in front of him. As he reached for the appropriate button he noticed his dominant left hand start to shake. He pulled it in quickly as he glanced over at Data. He hadn't noticed.

Wesley took a deep breath stifling a cough as he squeezed his hands tightly and tried again. A flash of terror consumed him as an image of him being strapped down and being consumed by fire flashed into his mind. He shook away the image and quickly resumed his duty. A lone trickle of sweat inched its way down his temple onto his cheek.

Something was very wrong.  
******************************************************************************************************************************

Please review : )


	2. Chapter 2: Montezumas Revenge

Author: Jadeblueafterglow17

Title: A Beat in My Heart

Summary: Beverly's nightmare begins

Chapter 2: Montezumas Revenge

Captain Picard strode quickly from his ready room, and pulled down firmly on the bottom of his tunic. The sounds of his footfalls faded as he sat at his command chair.

"Ensign Crusher, set coordinates for sector 001 Warp five."

"Aye. Sir..." He replied hoarsely.

"Engage." Wesley engaged the engines in a few easy steps as he was besieged by a fit of coughing. The harsh cough got the attention of Counselor Troi and Captain Picard as they exchanged a perplexed glance.

"Ensign Crusher, is everything alright?"

Wesley took a deep breath to try to ease his sudden cough and swallowed, he didn't know what was happening to him but his head was pounding and he felt like he'd been tackled by a Klingon .

"Yes Sir." He replied quietly.

"Ensign, What is our estimated time of arrival?" Picard stood from his seat and began to approach Wesley from the rear. He punched in the information to verify the calculations he'd already done in his head. Wes tried to stifle another cough as he felt a wave of unease fall over him. His stomach was churning. As he turned to answer, his body betrayed him as hot liquid erupted from his mouth.

Wesley moaned, leaned over and promptly threw up on Captain Picard's pants and shoes. He was mortified but too weak to stop himself or even offer an apology as he wiped his mouth and looked pitifully horrified up into the disgusted eyes of his captain.

"Kill me now..." he thought to himself as he met the angry stare. He saw Picard's fist clench tightly closed as though he was trying to break his own fingers and then an exasperated sigh escaped his lips. Picard's eyes somewhat softened as he met Wesley's worried stare.

Picard groaned audibly and slapped a large cool hand to Wesley's forehead as the boy nearly fell back into the console. He tapped his comm badge tersely.

"Picard to Dr. Crusher."

"Crusher here."

"Ensign Crusher has just... defiled me ... could you come and collect him from my bridge?" His teeth were gritted together so tightly as he spoke it was amazing they did not break.

Beverly Crusher stood dumbstruck with her gloved hands staring at a sample of blood of one of her patients. Picard's statement had caught her off guard.

For a long moment he was greeted with silence as Dr. Beverly Crusher conjured up many unpleasant images of what his words could possibly mean. She glanced at Nurse Ogawa who shrugged her shoulders.

She placed the vial down, and finally collected her thoughts and was able to form words with her shocked mouth.

"I beg your pardon?" she said...trying to suppress a giggle.

"Ensign Crusher, your son,... is ill. Would you like to collect him or shall I have him beamed there?"

The smile instantly vanished from her face. "I'm on my way."

Picard managed to wipe down his pants and shoes with a cloth. Commander Riker tried not to laugh as he relinquished the towel to the captain but failed miserably at the Captain's discomfort as Counselor Troi got up from her seat and attempted to assist Wesley.

"Something you ate Wes?" Troi asked.

"Haven't...eaten..." he said softly, his eyes threatening to close. He tried to sit up straight in his seat.

Wesley peered up at Picard timidly.

"I'm ...very sorry sir..." Wesley whispered.

"It's quite alright Ensign...I needed new shoes anyway." he replied placing a firm hand on his shoulder. "We can't afford to have our best navigator sick, you need to take better care of yourself son."

His use of the word son to describe the young Ensign didn't go unnoticed by the rest of the crew, or Wesley. It wasn't unusual. They all knew that despite his gruff exterior, he had come to regard Wesley as the son he'd never had.

"Why did you come on deck if you knew you weren't feeling well?"

Wesley sighed heavily. He honestly didn't have a logical answer for the captain. He'd felt mildly uneasy in his quarters but now felt like he was easily as sick as he'd ever felt.

"It was a poor decision sir, I'm sorry."

Deanna touched his neck with the back of her hand and unzipped his tunic.

"You are rather warm, I doubt you are thinking clearly with a fever."

"I'm quite certain you are at the top of the list of our CMO list of priorities now. I'm sure she'll have you back in tip top shape in no time."

"Yes sir." he replied quietly.

"Commander Riker summon a replacement for Ensign Crusher's shift."

"Aye Sir."

Wesley took a deep breath and was nearly choked by an attack of coughing. He was suddenly frightened...he couldn't catch his breath.

Reviews Wanted! Apply Here!


	3. Chapter 3 : Diagnosis

**Author:** Jadeblueafterglow17

**Title**: A Beat In My Heart (Patient X)

**Summary:** The ultimate penalty is that of death and dying for the living.  
************************************************** ************************************************** 

**Chapter 3: Diagnosis**

Dr. Crusher arrived on the bridge, almost at a full run. Her blue pants suit was covered by her teal lab coat as she brought with her a tricorder and various other tools. She ran a tricorder over her son as Wesley tried to sit up but only slumped down further into his seat. Counselor Troi stood by his side, stroking his hair as his eyes grew heavy.

Beverly stooped beside him on the other side. The captain stood behind her quietly observing.

"Wes, what's wrong?" Wesley shook his head back and forth.

"I...dunno...just a little sick."

"Heart rate 120, BP 200/80, temp 38.4."

Her face creased with concern as she heard Wesley panting quickly. She placed a hand on his forehead as his eyes slid shut.

"A little sick? ...you're temperature is highly elevated, you look awful."

"He is not faring well Beverly, I sense that he's in pain and is losing awareness." Troi whispered stroking her hand down his face.

"What hurts Wes...?"

He felt like crying, there was no easy answer to that question. Wesley didn't understand how he had begun to feel so bad so quickly. He felt like he could die. His breath hitched and he closed his eyes as his fists clenched tightly.

"Everything..." he said softly.

"Well that would explain the high BP. He complained of a headache a few days ago...I didn't think to much of it... since he's been working so hard lately." Beverly thought out loud as she stared at the conundrum before her.

Suddenly an unconscious Wesley moaned and slipped from his seat starting to fall towards the floor. Deanna and Beverly gasped as they caught him and eased him to the floor. He was covered in a cold sweat and his lips parted as he continued to breathe in short rasps. She ran the tricorder over him again.

"I don't understand this. His temperature has gone up another 2/10 of a degree. 38.6." She peered into his eyes as she noticed the bridge's complement now surrounded her.

"He passed out." Her panicked voice replied.

"You need to get him to sick bay doctor."

"No, I just decontaminated the area. Hopefully his contact with others strengthened his immune system and will help him fight whatever this is instead of making it worse on him. This has to be bacterial, although the onset and deterioration is remarkable. He'll have to be isolated until a cause can be identified. I will keep him in our quarters"

Beverly contacted Dr. Hill and Nurse Ogawa and asked them to beam a barrage onecessary supplies to her quarters, plenty of IV fluids, hypo sprays, a cooling blanket, and a portable scanner. Everything else she could replicate.

"I need to keep him away from my patient in sickbay, he doesn't need a virus as well."

"Doctor, the odds of Wesley not contracting a significantly mutated strain of a virus or bacterial infection in such confined quarters after nine hundred seventy exposures is approximately 1: in .08756245..."

"Thank you Data." Riker interrupted. Data turned his attention back to his comm panel surreptitiously glancing at his fallen friend out of the corner of his eye.

"He's gone downhill too soon for a virus, he may be in for a rough go of it though." She finished scanning him and scooped him out of Deanna's arms and into her own. He moaned a little as his droopy eyes landed on her face.

"Captain, I'll need time to study this and take care of my son...May I request ..." Picard raised a hand to cut her off.

"Beverly...you don't need to ask. Take care of Ensign Crusher. Let us know if we can be of assistance."

Unphased by the use of her first name she sighed a smile at the captain and returned her attention to her son. She touched his scorching neck, and felt him shaking and moaning.

"Transporter Room. Two to beam directly to my quarters."

"Transporter room, belay that order ...makes that three..."

Captain Picard reached down and picked up the boy, pulling Wesley's barely conscious form close to him and wrapped his arm around his neck. He lifted him slowly in the air. "I have to change my clothes anyway I can help you get him situated."

"Thank You."

"Number one...you have the bridge."

The three of them disappeared in a shimmering display of blue particle energy.

Entering the quarters she led him to her bedroom as the motion sensor controlled lights illuminated their path. Wesley hung limply in his arms.

"You should really encourage your son to eat more, he's as light as a feather." she smiled warmly.

"Haven't you seen him eat? He eats four eggs every morning bacon, toast, oatmeal, and a glass of milk; twice as much at dinner. He's just all lean muscle. Jack was the same way...well, he didn't get it from me." She smiled as a memory entered her mind.

_(Two days ago)_

_The aroma of coffee wafted into her nostrils pulling her from a delightful dream. "Jean-Luc..." its so early...come back to bed..." she said softly. Wesley smiled and shook his head._

_The clinking of glassware also reached her ears as she felt the bed sink ever so slightly beside her leg._

_"La - La-La-La...mom it's me! Lights 70%" the masculine voice said._

_She sat up and was delighted to see Wesley sitting beside her, the satisfied grin on his face made her decidedly nervous but she tried to ignore it._

_"G'morning Wes...What is that look for?"_

_"Good morning Mom... oh Nothing! Sleep well?"_

_"I hate it when you do that."_

_"Do what?" he asked smiling._

_"You know very well what Wesley Robert Crusher. You think you are so clever."_

_Beverly wiped the sleep from her eyes, pulled her short red hair back from her face and saw he'd brought in a tray with breakfast, coffee, bagel, cream cheese bacon and eggs with fruit. He was always pressing that she ate like a bird. The meals he made for her would usually last her the entire day._

_"Mmmmm ...coffee..." she stretched lazily. Suddenly her dark red eyebrows furrowed. "Wait, you're already dressed?"_

_"You slept through breakfast."_

_"What time is it?"_

_"0745hrs...I have to be in Engineering soon and I..."_

_"Oh hell...I'm late..." she jumped from the bed._

_"Mom... wait!" He quickly grabbed the sleeve of her silk gown. "I already told Dr. Hill you would be in at nine. She told me not to dare wake you...but I figured you'd hurt me at some point if I didn't." He smiled a lopsided smile as she stopped and fell and stood beside her son._

_She fell back onto her bed._

_"Well aren't you resourceful Ensign Crusher?" she patted his hand as she turned on her side to stare at him._

_"Somebody's gotta keep you in line Commander Crusher...and your food is getting cold."_

_Wesley moved the tray to the bed as she began to nibble at the food and drank the coffee._

_Wesley could hear her voice as she explained to him about her latest patient, and the trouble she was having treating the woman's odd symptoms. He closed his eyes for a few moments as he rubbed his temples. He didn't realize his mother had stopped speaking to him._

_"Wes?" She reached forward and stroked three fingers across his forehead. She could see that something was bothering him._

_"Your headache is still not any better is it?" she stood heading to get a hypo spray. Wesley reached out and grabbed her hand to stop her._

_"I have classes and I'm on duty, you nearly knocked me out last time."_

_"I don't want this to get out of hand...headaches usually have an underlying cause. I really need to examine you in sick bay to find the cause, but I don't want to expose you to the virus that's going around."_

_"I'll be okay."_

_"Famous last words, son." Wesley rolled his eyes._

_She took another sip of coffee and stared at Wesley with a smile forming on her lips._

_"There are no classes next week, we'll be on Earth...and somebody will be having a very big day..."_

_Wesley had a glimpse of a smile on his lips before he turned away from his mother and stood up from her bed straightening his uniform._

_"Just another day..."_

_"The stretch marks on my belly would be inclined to disagree with you."_

_"Mom!" he screamed horrified at the visual she placed in his mind._

_"Sorry! It certainly is not just another day. What would you like for your birthday?"_

_"To sleep!" he exclaimed rubbing his face trying to wipe away the weariness of the last few weeks._

_"I know it's been rough on you especially with everyone being so sick, you've been working a lot."_

_The entire crew had been ravaged with a horrible virus. It mutated each time it transferred from one person to another. Under the watchful eye of his mother, he'd received immune system boosts and been fortunate to not even get the sniffles. Wesley had even helped take care of Captain Picard and Commander Riker when they had been ill._

_"It's okay, I'll rest when the term ends tomorrow."_

_"Seventeen! Quite the milestone young man...I'm sure you have plans with your friends but please spare some time for you dear old mom on your birthday."_

_"Mother..." Wesley stood and put her tray on a nearby table._

_"Don't you pull that "mother" card on me young man..." She gathered her robe, stood up, and dusted the shoulders of his uniform off. It amazed her every day how much he looked like Jack._

_"There is always time in my day for you." he said, his brown eyes twinkling._

"Where would you like him?" Picard's baritone interrupted her thoughts as Beverly stared at Wesley drenched with sweat as he lay limply in his Captain's arms.

She stroked the crown of her son's head and nodded towards her bedroom.

"Oh no... I'd almost forgotten."

"Forgotten?"

"Wesley hasn't had the virus. That horrible Leutscher virus. If this is another form of it..."

"What?"

"It kept mutating so fast" she sat down on the bed to strip off the covers. "...and then I could never get ahead ...because nearly everyone on the ship had it,"

Picard placed Wesley on Beverly's bed. It would be easier to take care of him in her quarters there with the adjoining bathroom. He helped her remove his Ensign's uniform.

In the last two years she had relegated his yearly physicals to her male nurse and to Dr. Selar. Even living with her son in the room next door she rarely saw him out of his uniform, because their hours made them like ships passing in the night.

She couldn't help but notice the row of muscles in his abs and the hair on his abdomen that disappeared into his boxers. She knew Wesley was constantly working out either on the holdeck or in training with Worf. Looking at him now, she realized he was certainly not the same young boy she'd brought on the Enterprise almost three years ago. They placed him in the center of a cooling blanket and Wesley instantly began shivering.

In an instant Picard was seated beside her his strong warm hand on her arm as she glanced at her son over her shoulder. His steel grey eyes were a source of comfort and strength as she held fast to Wesley's hand.

She pulled a lock of red hair behind her ear as she stared at her son, his eyes at half mast staring at the ceiling seemingly unaware of their conversation.

"You seem more worried than usual...Beverly. Wesley will be fine, he has the best doctor in the house." his smile lit up his eyes.

Her face remained grim as she patted his hand; each hating to relinquish each other's touch as she removed his hand and climbed on the bed continuing to examine her son.

"The others have formed immunity...including you, they are safe. I was hoping to expose it to Wesley in a milder form, but then we got overwhelmed and then..."

Twenty fourth century medical intervention was having no effect on this virus. It was a genetically engineered virus from the late 22nd century, which ravaged human white blood cells turning them into ineffective sludge.

They each stared at him. His eyes were now closed as his shivering frame lay atop the cooling sheath and his breath began coming in shorter bursts as though he was in pain.

"If this is in fact the virus, he already seems to be so much worse than we were so early in the disease."

"I know, that really worries me. As far as I know, he's been symptomatic for less than 24 hours. If this isn't bacterial, and it is the virus, I think its mutated again. The last person - I thought - is still recovering in sick bay, she's been sick for nine days and was finally able to eat something solid today. She's lost about eight pounds and wasn't this sick. Wesley can't afford to lose an ounce." She smoothed her hand absently back and forth across his flat abdomen feeling the muscle and taut skin.

"He has youth on his side, he is strong Beverly you must'n worry. Can you start a new course of treatment? More aggressive?" Picard asked as she continued to set up supplies and wiped Wesley down with a coolant. She ran the tricorder over him again then concentrating on his chest. Her brow furrowed.

"What is it?"

"He has different symptoms that complicate things. The scan indicated fluid in the lungs and inflammation, that he didn't have just thirty minutes ago. I'm starting him on high potency broad spectrum antibiotic and a course of antipyretics. As long as I can keep the fever at bay I can get his immune system strong enough to fight it."

Her ministrations complete Wesley mumbled something incoherently as he began to moan, a soft whisper to his ear and a stroke of her hand to his face calmed his psyche as he ceased his struggling.

Picard stood and watched, it amazed him how she could be the strong amazing woman that she was...seeming fearless at any turn. Now here she was vulnerable, frightened, and nervous over the life of her only child. It was hard not to look at her and see her as incredibly beautiful if not incredibly fragile.

"Wes? sweetheart can you hear me?" She smoothed her hand down the side of his face and was astonished at the heat.

She ran the tricorder over his neck and forehead. "Whew.. 41 C (105.3 F)."

He moaned in response. "C'mon sweetheart, you're too warm I'm gonna help you take a shower, it'll help with your fever and the body aches."

"Nnnnnnnn" was his only response. He struggled to pull at the sheets beneath him as she tried to remove them.

"I promise I'll let you get warm, as soon as we can get your fever broken, you'll feel so much better."

"Would you like some assistance?" Picard asked.

"No, you've done too much already, if I need assistance I'll call one of my nurses. He's pretty out of it, hopefully he won't remember much of this. Besides he'd be mortified to know you saw him like this."

Picard smiled reassuringly. He patted Wesley's leg and whispered "Feel Better." He reached out and grabbed her hand once again and gently pulled it to his lips. "Take good care of him, and yourself." with a last glance back at them, Picard exited the room and headed towards his quarters.

She knew Wesley must have felt awful, because her son didn't protest her removing his underwear and slipping him into the sonic shower after seating him in a chair, and sponging him off. It was hard to develop a sense of clinical detachment when it was your own child, but she had to in order to get his temperature down and get him comfortable. After more than 20 minutes under the luke warm spray of water a timid voice startled her.

"Mom?"

Beverly had drifted off; her mind conjuring up a variety of treatment options as her son sat in the chilled water. As she looked at the water cascading over his hair and down his lips and chin, she wanted to laugh if he didn't look so absolutely pitiful. His teeth were chattering, and he was aware enough to place his hands over his lap.

She placed the towel she'd been using to bathe him over his lap. Her son was nothing if not modest.

"Yes Wes?"

"Why am...I in ...hhh...here?"

"You're sick, you have a high fever and it was the quickest way to drop your temperature." She brushed the hair out of his eyes.

"You...? Why are you ...innn nnn heeere...?"

"Sorry, fringe benefit...Dr. Selar is at Starfleet, I'm your doctor this time, sweetheart. If you'd like someone else to help you out I can..." she turned to get his towel.

"S'okay" he whispered.

"Okay, let me help you dry off ...and we'll get you out of here." She turned off the water glad to see that he was finally somewhat lucid if not just a bit sluggish.

She half walked, half carried his hot naked dead weight back to her bed as he awakened enough to be aware that he was chilled and naked. When Wes found the bed again he promptly collapsed in an odd backwards snow angel and promptly mooned his mother with his ample, round cheeks. Beverly shook her head at the sight and dismissed the potential future blackmail potential opportunities she currently had. Her son was as pitiful as she had seen him, and she wouldn't dare torture him when he felt this bad as she grabbed him under his arms and dragged him onto the cooling blanket. Carefully reaching under him she placed an external catheter on him in case he was too weak to go to the restroom after sliding clean boxers over his slim hips, getting a retort of "Mom!" from him as he whined.

"Hush...you'll thank me later." she replied.

She placed an IV in his arm and received only a mild groan from him.

"Sorry..." she said rubbing the injection site. He tried desperately to gather the covers and cover himself up, but she quickly took every sheet and blanket off of the bed leaving him to cool off in the chilled air. Goose flesh had risen all over his half naked skin even though his core temperature was still quite warm.

Beverly made a quick trip to the replicator to make him some warm chicken broth, hoping to put something of substance on his stomach.

She climbed back on the bed and pulled him over to face her. He resisted at first but then begrudgingly turned into her direction. She pulled him up against her. Seeking her warmth more than her comfort he allowed her to hold him close to her.

"Wes, I know you feel awful, but please try to drink this." She placed the spoon to his lips and he took two or three spoonfuls before breaking into a coughing fit. He didn't attempt to take another sip.

She ran the tricorder over him again. His temperature was now 39 C (103.9F) still high but not brain frying hot.

"How about some ice cream? A banana split may be too much, but how about some chocolate?" His eyes opened in thin slits as he looked into his mother's worried eyes. He didn't bother to respond as she took the towel and finished drying his hair.

"Mom." he sighed coming back to awareness.

Just exhaling to whisper her name seemed to take so much out of him as his face cringed with pain and he tried to swallow. She asked him to open his mouth as she assisted him and looked at his throat with a laryngoscope and was shocked to see his bright red throat with significant white coating. She quickly grabbed a hypo spray and touched it to his throat as his tense face seemed to relax a little. He laid back down on his stomach his head laying on her pillow facing her.

She laid down next to him and stared into his sad exhausted eyes, and offered him more to drink, but he made no attempt to accept it.

"Wes, I really wish you'd drink something. You're really starting to worry me."

Their faces were mere inches away from each other. She absolutely adored the way Wesley's face still looked like a little boy sometimes even as the stubble of a 5 o'clock shadow hinted on his chin. His glassy brown eyes seemed to be staring straight through her.

"I think you have that virus that's been going through the ship. It's mutating and its behaving differently with you. I won't know more until I can study your blood sample. I believe you have worn down your immune system working so hard and taking care of others when they were sick, and that may be why you are so sick now. As you know there's no cure I can only treat the symptoms and try to keep you comfortable. Do you understand?"

Wesley continued to stare a vacant stare, as if his mother wasn't there.

"Wes?"

Wesley could only hear a rushing noise going through his mind. He could see his mother's lips moving but could not for the life of him could not hear the words coming out of her mouth.

A sense of fear spread across her face. Could he not hear or understand her words? Had he been hearing her but couldn't respond or was he too weak to formulate the words? She ran the tricorder over him again, this time concentrating around his brain function.

She discovered a broken blood vessel. He'd had a non tonic clonic febrile seizure at some time after his shower.

When she looked back at Wes he'd closed his eyes. She stroked his hair gently and laid her head atop his scalding forehead and cried.

"I'm sorry Wes, I'll get you better...I promise."

************************************************** ************************************************** ************************************  
Thanks for reading! Please review. Suggestions Appreciated.


	4. Chapter 4: The Lost

**Title: A Beat In My Heart**

**Disclaimers** : In other Chapters

**Summary:** I'd really have to kill you if I told you.

**Author's Note**: Yeah worst writer's block ever...and wayyyyyy to much real-life work to do!

***********************************************************************  
_**Chapter 4: The Lost**_

0900 hours

After a rough night of soothing Wesley with alcohol baths, and force feeding him ice chips, frozen juice chips, Beverly sat at her table looking at the reports from Wesley's blood work. She shook her head, confused at the outcome.

Her worst fears were confirmed. Wesley had in fact contracted the Leutcher virus, but he also had a seemingly unbreakable fever that was now also affecting his organs. She was resorting to slightly chilled fluids to help chill him, but he was still very ill. She'd never seen him so sick, and he was easily sicker than anyone that had the virus on the Enterprise. If he continued to deteriorate she would have to put him into a drug induced coma so he could be treated. The mere thought sent a chill down her spine.

The sound of his voice in her bedroom cleared her exhausted mind as she dropped what she was doing and raced towards him.

She heard Wesley thrashing around in the bed, and heard the scamper of his feet on the floor. His voice screamed out...

"No!...please stop...no..."

When she arrived in the room, Wesley was nowhere to be found.

"Wesley...?"

"Please stop...please stop...please..." the whimper came from the closet. When she moved her clothes aside, there sat her son, tears clinging to his cheeks, his eyes closed, with head against the wall mumbling his mantra.

"No...please stop, no..."

"Wesley..." she reached for him, and he drew further into a ball and Beverly brought her hand to her mouth and fought back tears. She made a space and sat down next to him. She pulled his shaking form into her embrace, and held onto his very warm frame tightly in her arms. He was far to weak to resist at this point.  
After a few moments the shaking subsided and his very ill body fell asleep.

It was then and only then that she allow the tears to flow freely as she held him tight.

0200 hrs

After the third time Wesley had woken up screaming from night terrors, his scream, one that nearly gave her a heart attack, she nestled in the bed beside him and held him until he could drop off to sleep again. His fever was putting his already vivid imagination into overdrive. The next time he woke, and after more than half an hour of assuring him, he was in fact not on fire, he told of being trapped in a burning ship, of being strapped in, and being paralyzed from the waist down, but able to feel the fire lapping at his skin.

His voice, strained, barely above a whisper, he vividly described his terror as he clawed on the walls of his ship as he tried to escape the burning inferno, where he could hear laughter but no one would answer to his screams. It wasn't until the fire had all but consumed him did he escape the terror and come back to the saftey of his mother's arms. Hearing the horror he endured brought tears to her eyes again. She knew with his photographic memory that it must have been completely terrifying for him, and was thankful when the tremors that had overcome him subsided. It had been two days of watching her son suffer, she didn' know how much more she could bear.

Finally seeing Wesley settle into a fitful sleep, she got up and cleaned herself up, changed her clothes, and got something to eat before settling in a chair next to him. She nibbled on a snack as she studied more of her notes about his condition, and reached out and held his hand. Before she knew it, the soft snore coming from her son, was enough to lull her to sleep as well.

10 hours later...

_It was getting harder to breathe. Even without the gag, which had been placed in his mouth since he'd been stolen from his family, he couldn't scream, for his lungs lacked the air necessary to carry out that simple task. Every inch of his flesh was on fire. He was strapped to a chair, his body seemingly taking on the permanent shape of a chair, from days, weeks, or what seemed like months of being in the same position. His arms tied behind his back, stretched so far that the tendons had long sense snapped making them nearly useless to him. His ribs ached each time he breathed from being his captive's personal punching bag. He was sure he had atleast four broken ribs, and from the coppery taste of blood tinged on his lips from a cough that was forced to his throat, he knew something was wrong with his chest or lung. The stench of his own flesh; burnt, bruised, and bleeding sickened him. _

_The dark dismal hell had been his home since he was captured during a routine away mission. He remembered being by the shore, collecting water, a flash of light and then being strapped to a table with volts of plasma and electricity flowing into his head and body. That was all before he refused to help them, before they found out he was not as valuable as they had thought. Now he was just waiting to die. His days and night in this hell hole had brought him to the brink of starvation. The tight ardmium straps on his ankles and wrists were streaked with blood and his flesh raw and angry where he'd been trying desperately to escape his prison._

_After another hour of tossling with his bonds and the feel of the cold sweat covering his body he felt one of the bonds loosen from his hands as he slowly slipped it from its prison. A gasp of relief escaped his lips, as he inhaled happilly and dragged his heavy arm forward to grab the gag from his mouth desperately pulling in air to his starved lungs, immediately bringing fresh blood to his lips with his cough. He almost laughed._

_Wesley slowly began the task of freeing his other hand and his feet, but as he stared at his near naked body, his skin and bones staring back at him, he pondered if his body had the strength to move. He would have to get to his feet. He would have to leave this place. Wesley would have to do this on his own._

_He rocked himself back and forth, back and forth, until finally he fell from the chair to his knees. He had escaped his torture, but he was too weak to run. He had to get he could muster the strength to stand, before his nemesis returned._

The voices were haunting him, first there were two, then ten, then hundreds of voices talking, laughing, squealing, crying, commanding. He tossed his head back and forth. The voices were familiar and yet they they seemed so foreign to him as the overlapped in an unending cacophony. He had to get away from the voices, they were getting louder, and his head was pounding. He held his hand to his head as he tried to escape the voices. He saw a strange red haired being in the chair beside him...he had to escape, they were going to find him, kill him, he had to get away.

Wesley crawled away from the cold bed of torture snatching the chains from his arms and off his body as he stumbled quietly from the room. It was dark and as he moved a wall opened up before him. A bright light illuminated his path, as the cold assaulted his barely clothed body. The light brought a searing pain to his head as he almost collapsed to the floor. The fur beneath his feet felt foreign to him as he scurried close to the walls holding on to them for dear life for what felt like miles. As he touched the wall a panel opened up and his hand felt along side it. Wesley had found the rabbit hole. He climbed in the cold dark tunnel and followed it into the bright light. He was no longer lost

Please review! Suggestions welcome! Thanks for reading...a new update soon...like days not months!: ) Sorry I'm working on my PhD in Education and it's killing me!

And just so you know...all of Wesley's dreams in all of my stories are from other stories I'm working on for him...


	5. Chapter 5: Past Demons

**Title: A Beat in my Heart**

**Chapter 5:** Past Demons

**Author's note: It's been a year since I wrote an ER/or X-Files story and I need to get on to that so this may be the last chapter of this for awhile. Thank you to those who have reviewed and have offered suggestions, and have kept me going over this last year. It's been rough but I feel like my muse is finally back so I'd better use it while I can!**

0800 hours

Beverly slowly came to awareness as a long exhausted yawn escaped her lips. The darkness of the room startled her as she realized she was lying in her chair. A glance to her side stole her breath, as she bore witness to the tangled empty sheets where her son was laying what seemed like mere minutes before.

She leapt to her feet.

"Wesley?" she said softly, hoping not to startle him if he wandered to the bathroom or hopefully into the kitchen.

When her efforts to find him in the bathroom and kitchen bore a fruitless search, she pulled her hair back tightly with a clip and called for the lights in her room to a 100%. It was then that her terror was magnified. Her eyes caught the image of his IV and catheter, both tinged with blood, and several droplets of blood dotted the sheets. Smears of blood lead in a haphazard path toward the door. A scream tore through her as a cry escaped her lips.

"Wesley!" she shrieked.

Beverly ran towards the door, ignoring it as it swooshed open before her. She ran down the corridor, first one way and then the other as her search turned up empty handed. The Alpha shift, now on duty, was startled by her screams.

"Dr. Crusher, is everything alright?" one lieutenant asked pausing in a corridor.

"Have you seen my son? Wesley...have you seen Wesley?"

"Ensign Crusher? No, sir, I don't believe so. Is he in uniform?"

Beverly shook her head furiously..."No, no...he's very sick, I must find him." she yelled over her shoulder heading back to her quarters.

She ran to the comm panel in her quarters.

"Dr. Crusher to the bridge." her frantic voice stated.

"Go ahead..."Picard s stoic voice replied.

"Captain I...I need...I need... I need a sensor sweep of deck 3."

"What am I searching for Dr. Crusher?...Doctor?"

Captain Picard stared at the star field in front of him and then glanced at Data who turned to look at him. There was silence on the comm for nearly 30 seconds before Beverly Crusher once again emerged on the bridge.

"Are you alright Dr. Crusher?" Riker inquired, startled by her sudden appearance.

"I'm fine." she ground out. "Wesley is missing...and..."

"I hope he doesn t show up in engineering again in his underwear trying to work...I mean for a sick kid he was pretty strong the other day." Geordi remarked from the science station.

Dr. Crusher whipped her head around, her blue green eyes alight with fury. She shot a stare at him, that would have withered Geordi away like kindling in a fire, as he quickly turned back to his console, suddenly very concerned with the instrument panel.

Picard reached out and touched her arm, as he closed the distance between them. Just a squeeze of his hand on her arm, and the rage subsided and he could feel her arm start to shake.

He knew that look. She was terrified, on the verge of tears, but here in present company he knew not even a drop would escape her lid, as he released her arm and turned to face his crew. Picard ran his hand over his bald head and listened.

"If he's not wearing a comm badge he will blend in with any member of the ships complement in a sensor sweep." Worf interjected.

"I know...I know. He has an exceptionally high body temperature, somewhere in the 39-41 degree range fever these last few days ..."

"If we search for a specific body temperature in excess of normal human body tolerance we may be able to locate him." Data added.

"Make it so."

"Captain, we have to find him, he's very sick, and with his high fever he's been having some pretty serious hallucinations. There is no telling what his state of mind is right now."

"Mr. Crusher is also very resourceful...he could be launching himself in a class one probe by now."

Picard turned to Beverly as the color drained from her face. A near snarl of contempt aimed at Riker made him cringe as Jean Luc's hand softened on Beverly's shoulder.

"Mr. Worf, Go to yellow alert."

"Captain, finding Ensign Crusher is hardly ..."

"Finding Ensign Crusher is our top priority at the moment, the safety of senior and bridge personnel is just as important as the safety as any member of this crew. Am I understood Mr. Worf.?"

Worf hadn't meant to sound uncaring, but was only concerned with matters of protocol. He considered Wesley a friend; he had after all helped him attain his rite of ascension. He cleared his throat. "Aye sir."

"Yellow alert will force all non essential personnel to their quarters clearing the halls so the search for Ensign Crusher can be completed more efficiently." At his command Beverly released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and sat on her perch near the bridge ramp.

"Aye sir."

"Sir, unidentified heat source, deck 3 section 27. "

"Lt. Worf , Mr. Data, please go and search for Mr. Crusher. He may respond more favorably to a familiar face."

"Aye sir."

He was shivering. This rabbit hole was dark and cold. The whirl of the winds howled beside him. He felt the claws of death clutching at him and he was frightened. He closed his eyes tightly and let the darkness claim him.

Several minutes later...

"It seems there is an unidentified heat source coming from this sector, the access panel for this Jeffries Tube."

Data peered down at the shaft and noticed the bloody fingerprints at its entrance.

"There are all kinds of conduits and thermal couplings in the wall and Jeffries tube." he could easily electrocute himself or freeze to death in there."

"Sir the readings suggest a human with fading life signs and a high temperature." They stared at each other briefly and set their pace to enter the Jeffries tube. Not seeing anything at first, they noticed the smear of dried blood on the floor of the tube and then they could hear the the sounds of a slight tapping.

"Data easily maneuvered into the hole and stumbled past more of Wesley's dried blood along the way. As he passed the sensitive electrical equipment a door opened. His cat-like eyes peered through the opening and immediately fixated on a figure. Seemingly broken and deeply asleep, was Wesley Crusher. His skin was a color that was more android like than human. He yelled back to Commander Worf, that he'd found him.

Before the Lt. Commander could complete his detailed description of their whereabouts, Beverly Crusher approached the entrance to the tube with an anti-grav bed, Nurse Ogawa at her side and male Nurse Nelson in tow.

The captain was suddenly in the corridor his eyes wide with anticipation, as he stood behind Beverly. If she noticed him she made no mark of it, for her eyes were glued to the pale body emerging from the tube.

Data gently slid Wesley out of the tube behind him as he pulled him and placed the languid body on the bed.

Dr. Crusher immediately scanned him with the tricorder...his blood pressure was dropping, his pulse still thready and despite the chilled tunnel he was removed from he was still very warm to the touch.

Picard was shocked at what he saw...Wesley's deterioration from mere days ago was devastating. It was a wonder that Beverly was holding it all together. "How is he doctor?" he inquired.

"Thank God he found a space that actually helped his condition. He's cooler...but still very sick."

"Dr...should we get him to isolation?"

"No, I'll take him back to my quarters."

"But Dr...he'll need new blood work and..."

"Thank you nurse, I'll take the samples and check them myself. Now please, I need to get my son back to our quarters..."

Beverly didn't notice the stares of her comrades, Data, Worf, her two nurses...the captain...

In the unflattering light of the corridor, Beverly's demise was evident. Bags under her eyes indicated nights of missed rest, her face was gaunt, her usual perfect hair was frayed . She was a mess. Not only was she trying to be Wesley's mother, the only family he has, but she was taking on the weight of his doctor, scientist, and protector.

As the nurse reached out and grasped her hand, she felt the prickle of tears at her throat and she was afraid if she started she'd surely be unable to stop.

"Beverly, please let us help you. We love you, we love Wesley, and you re our family too. Please don't shut us out."

Beverly quickly turned from the nurse s teary eyed confession and held fast to her son's hand. She nodded somberly as she noticed Wesley began to stir.

"It's alright sweetheart, you're safe..." she whispered covering his frame with a shiny metallic sheath. His weary eyes focused on her for a moment. Absolute confusion danced in them as he glanced up into the faces of the nurses, Data and Worf as well.

1300 hrs

A security detail was placed at the door. Now that she had Wesley under lock and key she had to do everything in her power to get him well. She added the assistance of Dr. Hill to monitor Wesley using the ships computer in case she fell asleep again. Nurse Ogawa and Dr. Hill alternated visiting her quarters with more supplies.

Over the next 24 hours she continued to watch her son's health deteriorate. He was in and out of consciousness and when he didn't wake screaming from horrible night terrors, he suffered painful tremors and was sick with fever. But now, thanks to her staff she had a clue. Wesley's immune system was shot, she would have to give him more platelets to get him strong enough to fight. It was then and only then, did she see some meager improvement.

That afternoon Wesley's fever broke long enough for him to sleep uninterrupted for six hours. If not for his harsh coughing it would have been a healing rest.  
Beverly sat on the bed and feathered a hand through his hair when a scar on his shoulder caught her eyes. With his temperature elevated the usually unnoticeable scar was pink and raised and stood in stark contrast to his skin. She rubbed two fingers across it and felt the tight rough skin. A full body shudder assaulted her as vivid images raced through her mind.

Beverly saw her son pinned to the ground, his uniform already stained with blood, his blood; and she saw her own hands break her son's arm. The scream of agony that erupted from Wesley's throat echoed in her mind as she dislocated his shoulder fracturing the collar bone, and she covered her ears rocking back and forth to make it stop.

She closed her eyes for a moment to clear the thoughts from her head, but when she opened them her hand was covered in blood. She gasped quickly snapping herself out of it as she clenched her fist and felt the hot wet tears fall from her face. Beverly's strangled sobs reached the ears of her son as he opened his brown eyes to look at her.

Beverly could never escape the torture that she put her son through. She never remembered exactly what happened to him, she just knew that she was involved in nearly causing his death. It terrified her. She leaned down and kissed the wound on Wesley's shoulder. His eyes closed once more in realization as he struggled to place a warm hand atop hers, and her cries eased. He understood.

Beverly felt she was to blame. She couldn't stop herself from hurting her son then, and she was deathly afraid she wasn't doing enough to save him now.

Well, the next chapter is a doozy...I can promise you that. Title: Fantasies fulfilled with P/C D/W action. But now it's off to ER land ...TTFN Please review.


	6. Chapter 6 : Fantasies Fulfilled

**Title**:A Beat In My Heart

**Author's note**: I am desperately trying to work on my ER & Sliders story but I can't get this story out of my brain so I have to finish it in the next two days so I can move on. So bonus...another chapter...Yay. Please review, I live for feedback!

_**Chapter 6 - Fantasies Fulfilled  
******************************************************************************************************************_

Beverly Crusher nibbled on a gathering of grapes in her hand to squelch the dizziness that overwhelmed her. She'd missed more than a few meals over the last few days. She was on her way back from sick bay with more of Wesley's test results. Her brow furrowed in deep thought as even more bad news stared back at her. New symptoms. Every measure of progress she made felt like one step forward and two backwards.

Wesley had only managed to intake fluids and nourishment intravenously and she'd seen no trace of her son in days. As she stopped in the corridor and stared into nothingness she realized she was feeling a loss she hadn't yet suffered. She was snatched from her musings by a soft grip on her elbow and the sound of her name.

"...Beverly!" she called for the third time. Dr. Crusher turned to face Counselor Troi.

"Beverly, you look exhausted..."

"Oh...hi...Deanna Thanks...I'm okay..."

"How is Wesley?"

"I have him in our quarters. This virus is just been so rough on him. Well, you know about all of his sleepwalking. He's hallucinating, and no amount of antipyretics seems to bring his fever down. I've sedated him but he just doesn't sleep. He can't talk, horrible nightmares keep him awake, anything he eats or drinks comes right back up. Poor thing, he's miserable." She bit at her lip nervously as she spoke still staring at the PADD in her hands. Counselor Troi pulled the PADD from her grasp and stared at her shocked face.

"I've had the virus, I'll come and sit with him, while you get a bit of rest. You can't be of much use to him if you go on this way."

"Deanna..." She pulled the PADD back into hr hand and clutched it to her bosom.

"Beverly." she grasped her hand. " I insist. I'm off duty for a day or two...please let me help. You are my friend and so is Wes, besides you took care of me, let me return the favor."

As Deanna entered the quarters she was astonished to find the living area untouched, not a glass out of place and if there was any indication from Beverly's thin face, she'd spent all her time taking care of her son, and non attending to her own needs.

"Deanna, I can't..."

"You know...I can have you sedated and order you to Beverly."

"I'm not on duty...and you wouldn't dare...not when Wes' life is at stake." she said a bit more forcefully than she meant to.

"Beverly, please...just a few hours...catch your breath...I'm not taking no for an answer, and I'm not leaving." Deana sat on a chair and crossed her legs.

"Now, I can sense that he can hear us...so I suggest you stop arguing with me, because you know that I am right."  
Beverly let out an exasperated sigh. She couldn't believe she was about to say the words forming on her lips. "I just gave him a alcohol bath and changed the sheets, I couldn't rouse him to drink, so if you can..."

"Beverly, just go to my quarters, eat, rest, help yourself to anything, and please take a sedative to sleep. I promise you if anything happens I'll come get you...I will take care of him as if he were my own."

Beverly was about to interrupt but as tears sprang to her eyes but did not fall, she could only whisper "Thanks."

She took a few things, quickly kissed her resting son on the top of his head, and left the quarters.

*****************************************************************************************************************************  
Beverly emerged from the sonic shower cleaned and refreshed, but her soul still ached for her son, and therefore she still felt pain. While drrying her auburn tresses she heard a chime at the door. For a moment she faltered, she didn't want to see anyone, and no one but Troi knew she was here...unless something happened. Her heart began to pound in her chest. She tied her pink robe tightly and found her voice.

"Come in..."

When the door slid open, the apprehension fell from her face as a set of warm hazel eyes greeted her. Surprise formed a brief smile on her lips as the visitor walked in as the door closed and locked behind him.

"Jean Luc? How did you know I was here?"

"Counselor Troi told me she finally convinced you to let her stay with Wesley. She mentioned that you may need someone to talk to."

"The jury is still out on that idea..."

"Besides, she wanted to make sure you got some rest .

So she sent you ? she smiled incredulously.

"My intentions are purely noble madam." his hand flew to his chest as though wounded by her accusation.

"Beverly I m worried about, you; we all are." He reached out and grabbed both of her hands.

She looked up at him with her eyes big and full as a pool of tears began to form. Jean Luc pulled her in to his chest...

"Shhhh...it s okay." He held her for a few moments rubbing a warm hand in circles on her back. Once her sobs had subsided some, he sat her down on the sofa. Picard walked towards the replicator to create the tea that Counselor Troi had concocted especially for her .

"Chamomile tea # 28. 35 degrees Celsius, Earl Grey tea hot." He sat down beside her placing the warm tea in her hands.

She drank a few sips and snuggled back into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her stroking the hair behind her ear.

"You look exhausted my dear...please close your eyes.

"Jean Luc...he...he's..."

"Sweetheart, I'm worried about Wesley too. I'd be lying to you if I didn't tell you that I haven't had a few sleepless nights since this nightmare with his health began." He paused to look into her eyes as he wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb. "But I know he'll be okay, and as soon as you can get some rest...I think you'll see that yourself..." he kissed her forehead.

She laid her head on his chest entranced by his warmth. "I can't lose him..."she whispered. Jean Luc held her tightly in his arms inhaling her scent. He hoped the doctored tea would force her to rest. It was hard seeing her like this. Truth be told, after seeing Wesley mere minutes before his arrival, he too was worried that they would lose the young man he'd come to revere as his son.

************************************************************************************************************************ Crusher Quarters

Deanna could sense Wesley instantly. He was in utter distress. She could feel his pain and misery and her heart felt for him. As she actually laid eyes on him she thought she might cry. He was lying on his stomach in the middle of Beverly's bed, his head turned towards her, his eyes open. They were glassy and rimmed red from nights of missed sleep. He wasn't looking at her as he was racked with deep wet coughs. He was tangled in his sheets and had multiple fluids running in and out of his body. She placed a gentle hand at the back of his head.

"Hello Wesley..."  
His eyes glanced in her direction briefly a small spark of recognition registered before they darted back to the blank space on the wall he'd been staring at.

"Wes, you need to drink something for me. I know you feel awful and you're not in the mood to talk but if you just think it you can tell me what s wrong so I can at least help you or tell your mother."

Wesley could hear her and tried to formulate the thoughts in his mind to tell her that his throat was raw, his lungs and chest were on fire and his head and neck ached terribly. Every part of his body ached. The lights hurt his eyes and if she was an angel of mercy she should just kill him now.

Troi smiled at him and kissed his cheek. "If you promise to try a few sips of my special soup, I have something that will make you feel better."

Wesley had been in love with Counselor Troi since the first day he laid eyes on her, there was nothing in the universe he wouldn't do for her. With her empathic abilities he knew she had to have known those feelings by now but she never made him feel bad if she did.

She went to the replicator and made two separate things. She pulled Wesley up against her and cradled him against her chest holding the mug to his trembling frame. After a few sips the shaking subsided and she could hear the fluid going into his very empty stomach. He drank a few more sips and couldn't stand anymore.

"Good job Wes...now, I've got a surprise for you..." she whispered in his ear as he lay back on his stomach spent from the effort of just sitting up.

Wesley prayed it was a phaser blast to his skull but he didn't think Counselor Troi was capable of murder.

Suddenly a new scent wafted into his nose. It smelled like warm mint. It was a complete surprise when Deanna straddled him and began kneading the heated oil into his shoulders. After a few moments of her warm hands tenderizing his skin he couldn't help the low rolling moan that escaped his lips.

Deanna smiled knowingly as she relieved the tension in his neck and massaged his head as she noticed his eyes growing heavy, the scent of eucalyptus mint and lavender calming his senses to sleep. She continued to massage his back until his deep wet cough eased and he rested easier and then moved to his aching arms, thighs, and legs. Turning him on his side, she rubbed a final thin coating across his chest and abdomen. When she heard a soft congested snore she knew he was asleep. Deanna smiled and tenderly kissed his cheek.

"Sweet dreams..."  
*****************************************************************************************************************************

3 hours later

Dr Hill came in and Deanna excused herself as the doctor administered more medications to Wesley.

"Did he have any more nightmares?"

"Nightmares? No...he's been sleeping soundly. His cough is pretty awful, but I used some mint oil on his back and chest and it seemed to soothe him."

"Nothing like a little old fashioned medicine sometimes. Thank you for volunteering. We have begged Dr. Crusher for three days to bring him to sickbay so she could get some rest but she refused. He just seems to keep getting worse; I just pray that he turns the corner soon."

She ran the tricorder over him storing the readings for Dr. Crusher and noting his temperature was still close to 39C (102.5F) despite the medicines he'd been given.

"Wes is like a little brother to me...I can't stand to see him suffer like this."

She covered him with a sheet, dimmed the lights and left him to sleep. Deanna continued to read patient notes from a PADD in a nearby chair.

"I'll be back a little later to check on him." Deanna nodded. She tucked a blanket around her as she looked over at Wes. He was still sleeping soundly, dark lashes lay on pale cheek bones, his ribs peering against taut skin on his back. She closed her tired eyes just for a few minutes, a few minutes and she would check on Wesley again.

***************************************************************************************************************************

Will Beverly find the cure in time to save her son...? Will Jean Luc be there to pick up the pieces if she can't? Well...this is a tragedy...: ) Want more then please review!


	7. Chapter 7: Vanishing

**Chapter 7: **Vanishing

**Author's Note: **Thank you to those of you who have done more than look, but have actually reviewed...I really appreciate you taking the time to write a few words it makes me very happy! I hope you continue to enjoy the story.

**Summary**: Beverly finally has a break, Wesley takes a turn...

************************************************** ************************************************** ************************  
0900hrs

The next morning

Beverly Crusher felt refreshed and a little more human after eating, bathing, and having nearly ten hours of uninterrupted sleep. She awoke, surprised to find herself nestled in Deanna's bed. The sheets beside her had been worn and rustled but there was now no trace of her visitor from last night.

As she quickly dressed and checked her PADD notes from Dr. Hill she was worried that Deanna had bitten off more than she could chew with her son. The notes indicated some things had improved while Wesley still continued to deteriorate.

If he wasn't better soon, she would have to take him to Starfleet Medical on Earth when they docked there. Poor thing...what an awful way to spend his birthday.

She quickly gathered her belongings, grabbed a small sensible breakfast and coffee and left Deanna's quarters.

Beverly entered her quarters and found Deanna asleep in a chair covered with a blanket. She looked at Wesley in the bed and noticed he was covered with the sheet and at first glance seemed to be sleeping peacefully.

Deanna, sensing her presence, startled awake and stared towards the bed.

"What time is it?"

"A little after nine."

"Oh good grief...I can't believe I slept that long...I'm sorry."

"It's okay...I know it s exhausting."

"Actually, Wesley was no trouble. Dr. Hill checked on him quite often. I left the room when she would exam him. Poor dear...he drank some broth and fell asleep last night after you left, he's been asleep since. I'm sorry, I couldn't get the fever down for more than an hour...but ..."

"Wait...he drank something?"

"Yes just a little chicken broth and ..."

"And kept it down..."

"Yes...but..."

"And slept all night?"

"Well yes..."

"Deanna that's amazing."

"I told him if he didn't behave I was going to send Worf in as his nurse."

"Oh that's awful, you probably terrified him." Beverly sat on the bed and touched her son's very warm skin and smelled the oil covering his body, she rubbed her fingers together staring at the silky substance.

"I gave him a massage to help with the body aches and the coughing. He was in a lot of pain. I think he couldn't tell you how bad he was hurting he was just too weak but I could feel it."

She handed Beverly the tricorder. "It's not all good news...Dr. Hill said his symptoms are getting worse again, so that's why she put him on some oxygen through his nose. She said last night he's developed pneumonia and some type of brain inflammation due to the fever."

Beverly reviewed the last three readings and she immediately scanned Wesley again. She heard an odd sound coming from her son.

"Lights 100%" Beverly nearly screamed as she launched onto the bed and roughly flipped her son over to face her.

His eyes were rolled in the top of his head and he was twitching and struggling to pull in air.

"What's wrong?"

"He's too hot again, temperature is close to 105, Oh God, he seizing." She held his head still as she called out to the computer.

"Crusher to Bridge."

"Wes, can you hear me?" she turned him over on his side, as his mouth slid open.

Deanna raced into the lavatory to gather a cold wet towel and raced back to place it on his neck.

"Beverly I'm so sorry."

"Riker here."

"How long before we reach Earth?"

"About 34 hours doctor. Is there a problem?"

"Wes...Ensign Crusher is getting worse. I'm moving him to sick bay isolation until we arrive. There's ...nothing more I can do for him on this ship. It's urgent that we reach Starfleet Medical." Picard heard the conversation as he exited his ready room.

"Mr. Data what would be our arrival time at warp 8." Picard announced.

"1 hour 2 minutes 38 seconds."

"Make it so."

The starfield in front of the bridge was suddenly filled with the brilliance of a billion lights as their speed increased exponentially. The ship hurtled through the outer reaches of space heading to the outer arm of the milky way in search of a small yellow star system that held a host of planets they called home.

"Thank you. Please notify me when we are in transporter range. Crusher out." Beverly said her voice breaking.

"Number One you have the bridge." Picard strode off the bridge, as Data turned to look at Commander Riker and Worf who stood stoically. Their expressions were clearly ones of worry.

"Dr Crusher seems...unnerved. It would appear that there is a high possibility that Wesley may not survive this."

"We choose to think positively Data, and hope for the best. Wesley is one of our own, we won't give up on him so easily."

************************************************** ************************************************** *********************  
When Picard arrived in Sickbay, Beverly had Wesley in an EBSU bed.

He was fully intubated and he looked extremely frail.

Picard gasped at the sight of him. He looked so different from the young man he usually was, even so different from days earlier. His ribs were prominent against tight pale skin, and he looked as though he was clinging to this life with just the mere tendrils of hairs.

Nurse Ogawa quickly ran the tricorder over him. "BP 85/55, response to painful stimuli, temp 38.7 pulse is 50."

Beverly was dumbfounded, something was terribly wrong. His blood pressure was now fatally low.

"Dr. we have to put him in a cryonic chamber. His temperature exceeds a safe level for his brain and other organs to survive."

Dr. Crusher ignored Dr. Hill's rant...she stared at the tricorder continuing to read the rest of his results.

"How is he?" Picard asked Beverly. Lines of worry creased her forehead as she held on tightly to his hand.

"His blood pressure is stagnant. His blood is thickening...I don't understand this...his own blood is attacking him."

"...And this is the same virus we all had?"

"No, it has morphed into an entirely different beast. It's been five days, he's lost eleven pounds and I can't break the fever. He's in stasis and on full dexalene treatments to bring oxygen directly to the cells. I can't treat the symptoms properly because I can't get his body strong enough to fight the infection. He's developed a tertiary infection. Meningitis. If I can't get it under control.." she rambled.

"Could Starfleet Medical have a more potent cure?"

"There is no known cure. There is a procedure I would like to try. But I want to do it in a controlled environment. If we can give Wes some antibodies of a compatible donor that has had the virus maybe it could help him fight. We don't have the same Rhesus factor, I could donate to him, but it would be best to have a perfect match, and the antibodies."

"What is his blood type?"

"AB-...somewhat rare... same as ...same as yours." she stammered turning to face him.

"If my blood can help him, you know I would do anything to save him..."  
She nodded somberly as he continued. "But, you said the virus has mutated can't that transfusion cause more harm than good?"

"Yes, it could kill him. But, Jean Luc...if we don't find something soon - my son could die."

Picard felt like he'd been punched in the gut when she uttered those words. Surely she was being overly dramatic...she was exhausted. He stared into her eyes, and saw the fear and heartbreaking pain in them, and it took everything in him not to scream at her to not give up on her son.

He knew she never would.

Beverly allowed Dr. Hill to place Wesley in the chamber after a quick kiss on his chapped lips. She wiped the sweat from her brow and continued working. She sat down at the adjacent desk and a deep and aching lethargy consumed her as she laid her head on the desk to rest for a few moments.

Picard stroked her hair. The repeated calls of her name nothing more than whispers in an exhausted dream.

_Somewhere in time...a skip occurred...and time slowly started to march forward._  
"************************************************* ************************************************** 

**There is so much angst in the next three chapters in this story that if you have a heart condition...you might want to get a pacemaker.**

If you want them posted...quickly then please click that review button!

************************************************** **************************************************   
*EBSU(Emergency Bio Support Unit) cryonic -use for freezing or hyperbaric stasis chamber to place individuals in until medical intervention can be attained at a later time.


	8. Chapter 8: The Perfect Host

**Title: A Beat in My Heart**

**Chapter 8 - The Perfect Host**

_**Author's Note: BeverlyAngst & WesleyTorture ahead. You might want to get about two or three Kleenex, because if it is as hard to read as it was for me to write...then you're in for it. It was actually so long a chapter I had to break it up into three chapters or it would have been 40 pages long! Thank you for the rock star reviews...love you gals...and guys!  
**_  
************************************************** ***************************************

_"Captain's log - Stardate 43571.6 (July 28, 2366)_  
_We have reached McKinley Station slightly ahead of schedule due to a medical emergency on board the Enterprise. As our ship is in dock for Engineering design upgrades and a full decontamination of a virus that has ravaged her personnel, we must pray for the speedy recovery of one of her own."  
************************************************** ******************************************_

**Earth - Starfleet Medical 1 hour 45 minutes later.**

Commander Riker, Counselor Troi, Geordi and Dr. Crusher wait in the Intensive Care area on the Isolation Ward of the medical facility. Captain Picard having been identified as a source of a remedy for Wesley's ailment had gone back with the doctors almost as soon as he and Wesley were beamed down to the planet.

Beverly paced anxiously back and forth in the too small room. She appreciated her comrades being there, but as she tugged on her collar, the 14x12 room seemed to be closing in on her. The warm July sun filtered through the window, the sound of Riker's boot tapping on the floor echoed, and the hum of the air condenser circulating air in the too white, too clean, room was driving her mad. So crazed in her groove of padding back and forth like a caged tiger in a cell, she barely noticed the nurse calling her name.

"Dr. Crusher, I have your son settled, we have revived him, you may follow me..."

Beverly didn't care what the rest of the nurse's words were, she broke away from her comrades leaving them in her dust as she fell in step beside the nurse. She was handed a gown and mask to help protect Wesley from further infection. She didn't even bother to look back at her friends.

After five days of torture, pain, and grief for her son, she had prayed that Starfleet Medical would have the answers she desired. They had awakened Wesley from his induced coma, extubated him, and found that he was disoriented and sicker now than he'd been when she'd put him under. It was more than thirty minutes before he could focus on the sound of her voice, but when he finally did she was rewarded with a beautiful thing: Bright brown eyes found her face and in them was recognition.

"Mom?" he whispered, his voiced muffled by a mask.

"Yes Wes, I'm here...how are you feeling?" she stroked a hand across his forehead and adjusted the heart monitor just inside his shirt.

"Hurts..." he whimpered as his body shuddered and his breath hitched. Beverly felt the cold hands of death clutch at her heart and squeeze tightly. She would give anything in the universe to take away his pain; to take his place, to suffer for him. She never wanted to see her son endure this much suffering again. He'd been hurt too many times in his young life.

"I'm sorry...I know it hurts. But were here at Starfleet Medical, we're going to get you the right medicine to make you better. Okay?" She squeezed his hand and he gently squeezed back.

"Sleep...Wes...I'll be right here..." She kissed his forehead as his eyes closed once more, and she placed the oxygen more securely on his nose and mouth.

It was at that time that a set of heavy footfalls distracted her from staring at her son's delicate features as she saw she was no longer alone in the isolation room.

Jean Luc came in and kissed her cheek, and then perched himself on the other side of Wesley's bed. He was also wearing a EVP mask.

"The doctor is on his way in. He tested my blood, they've been checking it along with a few other crew member s blood on the Enterprise to determine why Wesley has been affected so much worse than we were." Beverly nodded.

"Have you eaten?"

Beverly ignored his question. How could she possibly eat? Her son hadn't eaten in days, how could she afford herself that luxury. She turned to face the approaching figure dressed in near full isolation gear.

"Dr. Crusher, I'm doctor Parrish, I am an infectious disease specialist here at Starfleet."

There was no time to stand on formalities, no time for decorum. Beverly didn't care what the doctor's name was, she didn't care what else he had to say. She was only interested in one thing: A cure for her son.

"What have you found?"

"I've looked at Wesley's blood work and studied his charts as well as your impeccable notes on his condition over the past week. In the interest of time, I'll get right to the point. His white blood cells are acting like old cancer cells of the 22nd century, his youth is actually his enemy. For every healthy cell he produces the bigger the army the virus has to convert to use against him."

"But shouldn't his body be able to at least fight off the fever, it has been nearly unbreakable. He's been unable have any relief or even convey his pain or discomfort for days now."

"I've had a lot of experience with this virus, and it's all part of the way the Leutscher virus behaves Dr. Crusher, it's how it was engineered. If he were older, then his blood and platelets wouldn't act in this manner. Metabolism and cell production process speed up the ability for the cells to multiply and it's unfortunate that Wesley has an exceptionally high metabolic rate."

"So you're saying the reason my son is so sick, is because he's so healthy." she said almost laughing at the ludicrousness of the idea.

The elder doctor scratched his head scarf revealing his brown hair streaked with grey.

"I know how ridiculous it sounds. But if he were your age, my age, or even older this might not have affected him as badly."

"But there were children that I treated and they were fine...wait...might?"

"Yes, I was also about to mention that Wesley also has another condition which may have gone unnoticed prior to this. It would appear that he has Epstein Barr syndrome which can also lower the immunity to fight off infection. It was noted as a possibility in his chart from many years ago but nothing of late has been documented."

Suddenly it all hit Beverly and she nearly collapsed to the floor. Wesley had been diagnosed with the immune deficiency more than two years ago when she left the Enterprise in the charge of Dr. Pulaski. He'd gotten a case of Gondolian flu while on an away mission and they'd discovered the underlying condition then while trying to fight off the infection without antibiotics. He had to be given the antibiotics so he could regain his health.

"**Oh no..no..no**...the shots I gave to try and boost his immunity..."

"Beverly...you couldn't possibly have known..." the doctor countered placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"**He's my SON**! I should have known...Oh God!" she screamed pulling away from the doctor frantically.

"Beverly...what do you mean?" Picard asked.

The immune boosts that Beverly gave her son were intended to help support his immune system to help fend off the virus, but in actuality the constant exposure to other crew members gave the virus a chance to fight his immune system and break down the antibodies he was producing over time. This subsequently allowed the virus to eventually take over to the point where once the fever started it ran uncontrolled and ravaged his body shutting down his cells and progressing to various organs beginning with his lungs and intestines. From there it entered the liver and now had a direct line to his lymph system.

Now it all made sense to her. The rapid onset of symptoms, he reached the breaking point. It would seem that his fate had been sealed after the first injection weeks ago.

"I did this to him..." she cried walking up to her son and rubbing her hand softly through his hair.

"No you did not. You did exactly what a good doctor should have done, actually even more so. Beverly, we have tested several others, there is no way you could have known the virus would behave this way with your son."

The doctor reached out and put two hands on her shoulders.

"Look, I support your idea. I want to start the transfusion from the two available donors. We will start with Captain Picard. If it works, then Lieutenant Sanders that works here at Starfleet Medical has been tested and is another viable candidate. He has the same blood type and had the virus several months ago while on Caldos."

Sensing Beverly's elevated state of stress, Deanna arrived in the room followed by Commander Riker as they each took up a stance on each side of her. They'd heard her voice yelling in the hallway. Beverly barely noticed them as the counselor stood next to Beverly holding her arm to keep her from falling.

"When can you start?" she stammered.

"Now. If the captain is ready."

Captain Picard stood up, patted Beverly's hand and followed the doctor out of the door.

"We're about to take Wesley in a few minutes. "

"Can I have a minute alone with him.?"

"Absolutely." the nurse said as she and the others left the room.

Beverly sat on Wesley's bed and placed a soothing hand on his chest. He startled awake. She adjusted the cloth covering his chest and smiled as his eyes calmed down and he tried to reach for the oxygen mask on his face but found he was too weak to raise his arms.

He pointed upward to the oxygen mask, and for a moment; a brief moment, Beverly almost refused him. He was about to go in for a procedure - for the last chance to save his life.

She shook her head.

"No sweetheart, your lungs are too weak right now, you should be intubated, but they don't want to sedate you that heavily...you have to keep the oxygen on..."

His eyes pleaded with her, a tear forming at its edge as the crystal drop rolled down his pale cheek.

Beverly felt her heart sink. She was sick. What would he ask? What would he say? She gently moved the mask to the side of his face, and wiped away his tears.

"Keep it soft and short..." she whispered.

Wesley took a struggling breath and stared into her eyes.

"I don't think... I'm gonna make it..." He whispered. A small, sad smile came to his lips.

Beverly was stunned. Her false bravado that she had so tightly held in place as she waited for the transfusion, was shattered in an instant. The words brought a cold knife to her gut. Words she had dared not think, had dared not dream - not now...not when he's so close. She nearly collapsed onto him her head resting on his chest. She couldn't chance looking at his face as she tried desperately to hide the tears.

"Don't say that...**don't you dare say that Wesley Crusher**!" She sat up and looked at defeated, tired eyes as he struggled to get a breath, she placed the mask back on his face.

"You can't leave me, I won't give up, and I can't lose you...please." she begged.

Wesley took a long look at her and closed his eyes, drops of tears still intertwined between his lashes. She stared quickly at the monitors, his heart was still beating, his blood still moving. It was now or never. She had to put the fate of her son in someone else's hands.

As a nurse and orderly came in, turned on the anti-grav unit on his bed and prepared to take him away, she softly kissed his cheek.

"I love you Wesley. I'll be waiting for you..." she whispered in his ear. His eyes fluttered briefly toward the sound of her voice and then closed as he disappeared from her sight.

After thirty minutes the nurse came out with more distressing news. His lymph nodes were enlarged around his throat blocking his airway, making breathing nearly impossible. Blood flow to his brain was being strained by the intense swelling. She allowed them to proceed with the additional minimally invasive surgery to repair damage to his lungs and airway. They would have to sedate him and pray he had the strength to come out from under the anesthesia.

Beverly sat down on the hard plastic seats in the waiting room and she prayed. She soon found herself surrounded by other crew members, but she didn't care. She could only pray that Wesley survived the procedure; that he would come back to her.

Receiving Picard's blood and the treatment for his lungs took more than an hour to complete.

While they waited in a family room, the harsh reality began to set in.

Picard came back into room led by a nurse.

"I begged him to lie down, he assured me that you are his doctor and his place was with you."

Picard shooed the nurse away as Deanna relinquished her seat and Picard sat down next to Beverly.

"Besides he out ranks me, and threatened me with insubordination if I sedated him." she smiled walking away.

"How are you feeling Captain?" Deanna's hand brushed across his arm.

"I'm perfectly fine, has there been any word on Wesley?"

"No...not yet..." Riker answered.

As if he had heard his own name being mentioned the doctor emerged from behind closed doors.

When Dr. Parrish walked in Beverly leapt from her chair. The somber look on the doctor's face did not bring her comfort as she began wringing her hands trying to stop them from trembling.

"How is Wesley?"

"He's resting as comfortably as we can make him, we were able to clear up some of the inflammation in his lungs. He has significant inflammation in the brain stem however and the antibiotics do not seem to be having a significant effect. I've never seen anything like this."

"Doctor, His B/P is up to 160/140 and his pulse is up to 142 at last check." the nurse said.

Beverly's hands flew to her head to cover her face. "This is not happening." she thought to herself.

"Increase the Neodexterine to 50 ml per hour, Give him 40 mg of Asinolyathin and check in and output levels every 15 minutes.

"This is not happening."

"Dr. what is his prognosis?" the Captain inquired.

"This is not happening." her voice admitted outloud as her thoughts escaped her lips this time. The doctor sighed heavily removing some of his sterile gear revealing his dark brown eyes, and bearded face.

"I'm sorry Doctor...Beverly, the progression of the virus is too advanced. It has encompassed the entire lymph system. Almost every cell has become degenerative and all organs are now compromised including the brain. Just as we feared, trying to save him, may have sped up the process and.."

"How long...?" her timid voice requested.

"His prognosis is..."

"**HOW...LONG**...?" she nearly screamed scrambling forward to grab the doctor.

"We want to make this painless for him, otherwise a series of aortic or neuro aneurysms could occur and prolong his suffering...When you are ready we can give him medication to reduce the pain till he no longer feels..."

"How long...please..." she begged.

Her eyes were filled with unshed tears. It was clear she was on the brink of falling apart in front of the entire medical staff. Jean Luc wrapped his arms around her waist as the realization of her question dawned on him. His face paled as he too stared at the doctor awaiting the words. Deanna and Will held each others hands as they stared in silence.

She watched as the doctors lips moved. His voice seemed to carry a tone in slow motion, as his lips formed the words:

"72 hours ...at most."

The sharp intake of breath from her left did not startle her as she realized her world was suddenly going dark. The air around her had gone suddenly thin, too thin to breathe. The images of the world around her went from brightness to complete dark in a matter of seconds and she felt herself falling.

"I'm so sorry, I couldn't do more for him."

Picard looked down at Beverly in his arms, a shell of her former self. She was painfully thin as she seemed to be dying a little each day with her son. He glanced over at Troi, who was now an emotional wreck having taken on the emotions of Beverly as well.

"Captain, should we get her a bed. She should probably be checked out." He took off his dark scrub hat and angrily crumpled it in his hands.

"No...just take us to Wesley. She needs...we need to be with him." he said.

"As soon as he is back in a room, I'll come find you. The nurse will show you a place where she can rest until that time comes." He picked up Beverly in his arms and carried her to an empty room as they waited for Wesley to return from recovery.

************************************************** ************************************************** *************************  
_Forty-Five minutes later._

_ICU-10_

Beverly was incensed that she was made to take IV fluids while her son lay alone in recovery, but her anger in Jean Luc and the doctor's decision soon faded as she finally made her way back to see her son. The nurse wanted to make sure he bathed and resting more comfortanbly when she saw him, and as she watched him sleep she could see that he didn't look so pale, his lips were no longer tinged blue from lack of oxygen and his hands were warm and pink again.

Picard stared at Wesley. It is obvious that he is in pain as Beverly watches him struggle even with the oxygen to draw in air.

"His breathing should get a little easier in the next hour. It has improved significantly from this morning, he's receiving a treatment now." the nurse said as she adjusted some controls, hyperjet-injected something into his shoulder and left the room.

As the couple stared at him it is obvious that the constant pain meds are not enough to ease the pain of the virus that is continuing to ravage his internal organs as he is consciously aware of his deterioration.

Beverly kissed Wesley's cheeks, and placed his hand on her face and stayed by his bedside. She did not move from that spot for the rest of the day and into the night. As he slept and briefly woke, she remained by his side into the wee hours of the morning until she fell asleep lying on his side tightly holding on to his hand.

Picard gave up trying to get her to leave long enough for them to change the linens or to get something to eat, he just sat in the corner of the room and listened to the sounds of the machine keeping Wesley alive and the slight murmurs that Beverly would say to him each time he stirred.

Picard was beside himself. What could he say to her? He can't stand to see her suffer but it also kills him to see Wesley in such agony. While ruminating on this thought he looked up at Wesley and noticed he was looking to the side of him. Wesley's exhausted eyes were staring at a fixed spot on the wall, it was clear he was unaware of his surroundings. The medication he was on was a variance of brief moments of lucidity, measurable hours of pain, and too few hours of relief.

Picard stood up placed a hand on her shoulder as she turned to look up at him, her red eyes stained with tears.

"Beverly..." he choked...his voice breaking.

"No." she stopped him immediately.

"Please...just listen. I can't fathom the pain you feel watching him this way, but I think of him as a son too...I have now for some time."

"I know...he knows." Picard was surprised by that statement.

"He's suffering terribly."

"Don't you think I know that?" she seethed.

Wesley's eyes shut tightly as a wave of pain seized him. His blood was thick and crushed his arteries making his head pound furiously and his muscles spasmed constantly. No amount of pain medication seemed to ease the agony. His blood pressure was through the roof and his heart was beating at over 150 bpm struggling desperately to pump enough blood to keep his young body alive. The genetically engineered virus had finally found its perfect host.

"Beverly...please let them take the pain away." he said choking up.

"We're going for a walk today..."

"Beverly."

"**It's his birthday**." she seethed..."His birthday..." she sobbed..."I can't...not today." she whimpered as Picard wrapped her in a warm embrace.

"We'll go for a walk today, there's a beautiful pond nearby where we can take him. We can get the doctor to make him comfortable and ...be with your son."  
################################################## ##############################################

**A death sentence?...hmmmm harsh. *sniff, cry...sniff* gosh that Author is so mean...oh wait that's ME!**  
**Please review! 10 reviews gets part 2 of this chapter...yeah hostage...blah...blah..blah...**

_Epstein Barr is an immune system disorder that makes the body's defense system attack healthy cells causing inflammation, flu like and other serious symptoms. Actor Wil Wheaton (Wesley) Has Epstein Barr which is also similar to what it feels like to have mononucleosis._


	9. Chapter 9 : Don't Say Goodbye

**Disclaimers: **I love Wesley Crusher. He is not mine. The others aren't mine either...no money exchanged hands except the bribe to get me to post the next chapter!

**Author's note:** **Wow** you did it, awesome reviews and suggestions...of course they all say *don't kill Wesley* but that's okay. I promise you an ending that you should be happy with. But this is Character death...and** he** is the central character : ( Please stick with me...I'll try not to let you down.

Chapter 9: Don't Say Goodbye

************************************************** ************************************************** **************************  
_1300 hrs July 29, 2366_

A bright sun beamed down on a clean crisp California day. A light warm breeze came off the San Francisco Bay and had the fresh smell of the beautiful but often tumultuous Pacific Ocean with it. On the grounds of Starfleet, along the perfectly manicured lawns, a glistening pond surrounded by tall redwood trees in full bloom, had a perfect mirror image of the gorgeous sky above. Normally this area would be filled with families but there were few patients that were in hospice or that could leave their room.

The hover chair that carried Wesley was equipped with all of his intravenous fluids, and a support to help him keep his head up. As they walked through the pathways, officers saluted the Captain and Commander courteously but it was their sympathetic glances towards Wesley in the chair that broke her heart. As the path opened up and the bright sun hit his face, a shaky trembling hand came up to block the near blinding light at first. From seemingly nowhere a San Francisco Allstars baseball cap was produced by Jean Luc and it sat upon Wesley's chestnut brown hair.

He watched as a seagull swooped down effortlessly across the sky and scooped up an errant piece of food as it straightened its wings and lunged back upwards resuming its daredevil looked up at the horizon and the sky. He hadn't remembered how beautiful the sky could be on a sunny day. He didn't think he'd ever see the sky from Earth again. The clouds were thin wafers that seemed to dance in an endless circle, and the wind gently caressed his cheek.

Wesley struggled to pull the offending cannula away, and found a strong hand atop his as the cannula was suddenly removed. He took a chance and tried to inhale deeply. For once, just this once, his lungs allowed him to savor the feel of the oxygen rich Earth without feeling the fire that burned afterwards. Beverly stared at him, watching his child like eyes take in the scene before him, she couldn't help but see a small glimmer of happiness on his face.

She knelt down beside him and thumbed away a tear from his cheek. After a few minutes of enjoying the beautiful scenery in silence, a multitude of shadows suddenly surrounded them. Wesley looked up to see nearly the entire Bridge and Engineering complement standing near or beside him.

"Happy Birthday Sweetheart..." Beverly choked out. The crew sang an abbreviated version of the song Happy Birthday, as Wesley bit his lip trying not to cry. Beverly held on to his hand as it shook, she didn't know if it was from the pain or from the feeling at that moment. In her other hand she held onto a cupcake with swirled blue frosting and a single candle that danced back and forth in the wind.

"_Make a wish_..." Wesley stared into his mother's tired eyes. She was trying so hard to appear jovial but he could see the fear in her eyes.

There was only one thing he could think to wish for now. Sure, he would love to have a cure, more time with his family, but miracles like that didn't happen to him.

He thought for a moment and made the most altruistic wish that he could. He wished that his mother could always have someone to take care of her and love her when he no longer could. He took as deep a breath as he could and blew out his candle to thunderous applause from everyone.

Beverly reached in her jacket pocket and placed an object in Wesley's palm. It was a round piece of metal, dulled by time. As he ran his pale thin fingers over it, he looked up into his mother's eyes questioning.

"It was your father's." she smiled.

"Thanks mom." he said softly. He stared at the metal intently. It had a cross, and a man carrying a child. He recognized it at his Dad's St. Christopher medal. He'd always wondered what became of it as he clutched it tightly.

A shadow suddenly blocked the sun from above him as he stared at the medal. Wesley looked up and found he was face to face with Data, his metallic skin nearly glowing in the sun's reflection. He held in his hand a large red bowl that had vapors of frost blowing off of it.

"Hello Wesley"

"Hi Data..."

"You once told me that ice cream could solve any problem Wesley. I want you to have some." Data knew there were some problems too big even for ice cream, but he had remembered the prefered dessert had given the Ensign much comfort many times.

Data took a spoonful and came close to Wesley's lips. Wes hesitated. He knew it would make him sick and he really did not want to be sick, not now, not in front of everyone. Data tried his best facial expression of a smile and Wesley had to laugh. It turned into a few coughs that at first alarmed Beverly but Picard held her back.

Wesley opened his mouth and took the offered treat.

Beverly and the others watched as his dull eyes lit up at the flavor that melted in his mouth. Had he forgotten how good ice cream was? A small smile graced his lips as he closed his eyes and savored the feel of it sliding down his throat. When he opened them again, Data offered another spoonful.

His smile was contagious as the others soon found they had smiles on their faces as well.

************************************************** ************************************************** ****************  
Soon, the sun was sinking lower in the sky and the once warm breeze was much cooler.

As members of the Enterprise crew started to slowly fade away, each saying their goodbye and well wishes, to Wesley or Beverly, Deanna removed Wesley's cap. She had been sensing waves of emotions from everyone but he was the one person stood out in strong contrast. Seeing Beverly's attention diverted, Picard knelt down and looked at the young man in the face. He could then see that Wesley was panting, his skin was hot to the touch and he was in obvious serious pain again.

"He begged me to let him stay until they all left." Beverly remarked as she quickly removed a hypo spray from her pocket and pressed it to his neck in two long bursts. She then placed the oxygen cannula back on his nose.

"Beverly is there anything that I can do...?" Riker questioned. He was one of the last of the bridge's senior staff to remain behind.

"No,...there's nothing...nothing anyone can do. Just pray. " she whispered, her voice stoic.

Deanna leaned down and kissed both of his warm cheeks.

"Good night Wesley, Sweet dreams."

Riker stepped towards him. There was so much he wanted to say to Wesley himself, he knew he was running out of time. He couldn't bring himself to say goodbye. It was like saying goodbye to his little brother. He reached out and grabbed Wesley's left hand and gave it a firm shake. Wesley could barely meet his eyes.

"I still owe you that fishing lesson...I won't forget Wes..." he squeezed his hand one last time as he gently let him go and carried Deanna away from the smaller gathering.

Just before they made it past the outdoor pavilion, Deanna suddenly turned towards Will and buried her head into his chest. He stroked her long brown and held her tight.

"What is it Deanna?"

"I sense so much pain... so much terror." she nearly moaned. Her words came out in sobs as he tried to keep her walking but without much success.

"Please God...help him...if you can't take away his pain then please... please take away his fear..." Riker had no words to console her. He knew that she was able to feel extremes in emotions.

As he carried her towards the gangway he could only hope that God had indeed heard her prayer for Wesley.

************************************************** ************************************* ************************************  
Picard gathered up the other belongings and stood beside mother and son.

"We'll go back to the room now. You need to rest sweetheart, it's been a long day."

Wesley reached and grabbed her hand. "I want... to go... home..."

She squatted down beside him and looked into his eyes. How did she ever learn to say no to those big brown eyes. She ran her hand gently across his cheek and he seemed to lean in closing his eyes savoring her touch.

"Ok Wes."

There would be no argument from her. They considered the Enterprise their home, and she could take care of anything he needed from there. Literally, no one on Earth would try to stop her. Picard knelt beside him again. "I'd better finish up a few things down here. But I ll see you first thing in the morning. You should get some rest, you look...you look exhausted Ensign."

Wesley tried to smile.

Another shuddering pain lanced through his body as Picard held on to his hand tightly through the wave. He felt Wesley clutch so tightly he thought he might draw blood. When Wesley opened his eyes again he could see tears in Picard's eyes and it shocked him.

He loosened his grip as the man before him tried to contain his emotion. Wesley had been toiling all day about what he wanted to say to his captain. He didn't have the strength for a long conversation and he couldn't just write something on a PADD. When his mother had injured him by firing a phaser at him while under the influence of the alien parasite, he had made Picard promise that he would take care of his mother if something happened to him. He only hoped he remembered that promise was longstanding. He took a deep breath and said the first words that came to his mind.

"It's been a pleasure serving with you sir."

"**Don't you give up Mr. Crusher**...**you keep fighting**..." he said trying his best to sound confident. Wesley merely stared at him as if trying to memorize his face.

Picard cocked his head to the side, unsure of how to say the words coming to his lips. He glanced at Beverly her eyes filled with tears, she nodded her approval.

"Jack Crusher was your biological father, and your dad. I know for a fact that he thought you "_hung the moon_". I know he would be proud of the young man you have become, your strength, your character. Wesley, I know we had some rough patches, but I think we have smoothed them all out nicely." He reached and held Wesley's face in his hands so he could look into the young man's face.

"I am so grateful you came into my life, you and your mother, and I think of you as my son in every sense of the word. I care deeply for you. I am so proud of you Wesley Crusher. The pleasure has been all mine. You will never be forgotten, you will always be with me." he released his hold and kissed the top of Wesley's head.

Wesley buried his face in his own chest; he could take no more of this.

"Is this goodbye...?" a small voice deep inside Wesley whispered.

Picard released his grip and being the ever strong leader that he is, he turned on his heels and walked away and did not look back. ************************************************** ************************************************* *************************  
I'm sorry...but I warned you... : ( Grab a tissue...We'll get through this together! Just one more chapter... this next one's the hardest *sniff* and I'll try to wrap this up... _Reviews...welcomed like warm Gulf coast sunshine_ : ) **Lets go for 9...and a new update**..


	10. Chapter 10: Waiting to Exhale

**A Beat in My Heart**

**Author:** Jadeblueafterglow17

**Disclaimers:** Paramount's & Gene R's creations...my favorite characters...my twisted delusional tortured plots.

**Author's note**: WesleyTorture warning and angst warning extended through the end of this chapter. If you are crying and screaming at the screen..."don't kill him"...then I met my objective for this story. I scream with you! Thank you! Thank you for your reviews. I am a pitiful person I know, but I write for feedback...I want to know what you think. _**Those of you who got a sneak peek at this chapter...I changed it up...so please re-read and review : )**_

_By the way...Jen. Your wish is granted in this chapter, but sorry, I don't write Bev/Picard fics, there are plenty of great writers like Mabb5, Princepen, and Jordan Trevor to do that. I write Wesley Crusher fanfiction._

As for everyone else you wonderful people , hang on...there's always a twist and you'll get your happy ending. :-)  
************************************************** ************************************************** **************************

**Chapter 10 - Waiting to Exhale**

2345hrs

Beverly had them beamed back aboard the Enterprise into her quarters. Wesley managed to crawl into the bed he once occupied before he was given his own quarters as he sighed contentedly.

"It's been almost a year since you've been in here." she smiled. He had gotten his own quarters after she'd assaulted him after being under the influence of a parasite. She paled as she suddenly remembered why he was no longer her tenant. Seeing the look of panic on her face he reached out for her hand.

"Mom, let it go." he said simply, closing his eyes and clutching the pillow beneath him. She took a deep breath and pushed the thoughts from her mind and concentrated on getting him comfortable.

She removed his shirt and pants and made sure his blanket was warm around him as he shivered with tremors as an after effect of the strong medication.

She'd given him something for the pain, and held onto his hand.

"There love." She kissed his forehead and felt the excessive heat on her lips. "Can I get you something to drink, maybe one of those old fashioned popsicles you like so much?" Wesley did not respond.

As she stared at him, she saw something she never expected to see. Wesley opened his eyes and looked at her, his chocolate brown eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears; she saw defeat.

"Wes?"

With all the remaining strength he had he squeezed her hand.

"I don't want to die...mom." his shuddering voice said. She had seen him be so strong, so fearless, but here he was, here she'd found him again, that scared little boy who was seeking comfort, in words and in deeds...and she had nothing she could give him. She stared at his young face, his eyes still full of sadness, and shedding tears.

She felt herself fall apart...her resolve was broken as she cried un-mercilessly. She laid her head on his chest and they both cried. His warm arm on her back as she couldn't stop the onslaught...she couldn't fix this...she couldn't make him "all better."

"I don't want you to die! I'm so sorry Wes, I wish it was me...I can't lose my baby...I can't..." she wailed crying onto his chest feeling the beat of his heart beneath her.

The transfusion and treatment for his lungs had made it easier to breathe but his breath still came in hitches as he was faced with the crippling fear of leaving this world forever, and his mother all alone.

They stayed that way until exhaustion claimed them and their cries were silenced.

************************************************** ************************************************ *************************  
**Captain's Quarters**

Jean Luc Picard stared at the computer terminal from his lounge chair in his quarters. it was late and he still found himself unable to sleep. He desperately wanted to be somewhere else...but did not want to intrude.

A beeping sound dragged him from his thoughts. A message came over Starfleet wire for Picard: He opened the first message and received his new orders to ship out to the Arus Cluster in 7 days. He was sure he would not be able to follow those orders, he had no idea where he would be or how his crew would be in the next seven days.

The next lines caused him to sigh deeply, but his heart swelled with pride as his eyes filled with pools of tears.

"Crusher, Wesley R. has passed the written and oral portions of the Starfleet entrance exam and a slot has opened up at Starfleet Academy. Crusher should report to Starfleet Academy in 2 weeks."

He'd taken the test last month. Picard remembered how nervous Wesley had been when they stopped at Betazed so he could take the oral test, but he knew that he would pass with flying colors. Unfortunately, Wesley had been so wrapped up in Commander Riker and Counselor Troi's rescue mission that he'd missed the transport ship to the academy. It was then that Picard had given him his field commission status of Ensign.

In a separate message his request to give a list of ship board field commissions had been approved. Among them ...Crusher, Wesley...granted full status as Ensign based on his academic credit and his exemplary three year history as an officer aboard the Enterprise D. He would no longer be a field Ensign, or Acting Ensign...in the eyes of Starfleet he was an officer, just like his father. It would be the last gift he could give him. He would tell him first thing in the morning...tonight he knew the young man needed his rest.

************************************************** ************************************************** *  
Crusher Quarters

It was a quarter to 2 and there was no light in the room except the lamp beside Wesley's table. The only sound that could be heard was sound of his body struggling to catch his breath from his constant talking and the occasional moans or mumbles. She had placed monitoring equipment back on his chest and hand to alert her to changes in his conditions if she should fall asleep. But there would be no sleep tonight.

Beverly struggled desperately to keep Wesley still. He was so restless and his fever had spiked again. The antipyretics were having no effect.

"Mom, I have work I have to do...I have to get up... have to go..." He tried desperately to get up. The stasis field had become necessary. His fevers still continued to cause horrible terrors that sent him thrashing about. He'd been dreaming of Bulgarian rats biting at him, probably as a result of the stinging pain of the virus attacking every nerve fiber in his body.

"...have to ...re cal...recal...warp in ducers..." he stammered struggling to catch his breath.

"No, Wes...you did it...you did it already you finished it okay, you did it all...you can rest." she said wiping a cool alcohol soaked cloth across his head and neck.

The pain and sickness was all consuming. It had reached his amazing brain and was robbing him of his sanity.

"Mom, where's dad, why isn't he here yet?" his coarse voice whispered.

"Sweetheart he's gone..."

"No, he said he'd be here...he said he'd come ...he said ..." he trailed off as his eyes grew weary and they closed tightly with the pain. His eyes rolled back and his teeth clenched tightly. He was having another seizure, and his face was covered in perspiration. His shirt was soaked and he was still fighting. What seemed like forever only lasted for more than a minute, the tremor stopped and his body stilled as his eyes closed for a long time. His breath still coming in quick bursts.

Beverly continued to bathe him as tears streamed down her exhausted face. She laid her head on his shoulder.

He'd been seeing Jack in his dreams. Her late husband was beckoning her son away from her.

"Tired..." he rasped.

"Rest...sweetheart...It's okay."

"Love ...mom."

"I love you too Wesley..."

Beverly took another hypospray applied it to its highest setting and injected it into his neck. He cringed at first but then all that could be heard was the slow gasping as his thickening blood continued its assault on his heart and lungs. It was moving too fast. She knew from the symptoms he was experiencing he may very soon lose the ability to talk or recognize her as the disease eventually took over his brain ending its brilliance.

"I love you sweetheart...I love you so much." He breathed in and he held on to her tightly clutched hand.

He wasn't looking at her but he was talking. He was staring straight up in his line of sight.

'Who was he talking to?' she thought.

"What did you say Wesley?"

Wesley's lips continued to move but no words came from his mouth, a small smile came to his lips, as his eyes fell on his mothers one last time and he stared at her memorizing every detail of her face. The light slowly left his brown eyes as their lids fluttered closed. He let the air out of his lungs in a slow painless exhale. Calmly...and swiftly Death took him, his pain and fear now gone.

Time suddenly stopped. Beverly waited...and waited ...but he did not inhale again, his chest did not move, his eyes did not open. She felt his hand lose its grip in hers. She frantically grabbed at his wrist and felt desperately for a pulse...but his once racing heartbeat could not be found. She placed two shaking fingers to his neck and felt a few thumps every few seconds ...

"Thump...thump...thump...thump...thump..." and then nothing more. She glanced at the pulseoximeter machine which relayed the same information. His heart was not beating...his respirations had ceased.

"Wesley?" she cried tapping his face.

"**WESLEY!"** her soul screamed as she gathered him into her arms, "No, God, Wesley please don't leave me please no..." she cried cradling him in her arms.

"Wesley, I love you so much...I love you baby, please...it's not time...**I need more time**..." her whole body shook as tears fell into his hair. His limp body lay in her arms. She rocked him back and forth continuing her mantra.

She could call someone, shock his heart back into rhythm, but she wouldn't, she couldn't bear to bring him back to this world of suffering. So she did the only thing she knew to do; she held him. Her cries came in wails at first and then simmered down to sobs. Eventually his warm body grew cooler, her arms ached from holding his dead weight in place but she refused to let him go.

************************************************** ************************************************** *********************  
Counselor's Quarters

Counselor Deanna Troi sat up quickly in her bed, her face covered in tears. She'd felt a soul scream out in terror and one that let go in peace. She pulled her knees in towards her and laid her head on them and wept. She could sense Beverly and she could feel the loss of Wesley, it was like a stab to her own heart. She cried for her friend, because there was no way one person, one soul could deal with so much loss. She remembered how she felt when she'd lost her own son. Although she'd only had him for a very short time, she felt the loss was unbearable. She knew Beverly may not survive the loss of her son. She would have to go to her.

************************************************** ************************************************** *************************  
Quarters of Captain Jean Luc Picard

A quarter past 2 a.m.

The alarm had gone off as he sat in his chair. Unable to sleep he'd been reading since he returned to the ship. He was unaware that he'd dozed off in the chair as he glanced at the time. He stood up and quickly walked over to his computer.

Picard stared, stunned - at the screen before him. The screen laid out the information in clear English but he couldn't for the life of him believe what he was reading.

_**"Medical Alert - 0202 hours Ensign Wesley Robert Crusher expired."**_

He shook his head in dismay.

"Expired, he did not expire...**he was stolen." **he yelled. "He was too young...it was not his time. **He was supposed to have more time**!" He angrily shoved the computer off of his desk shattering it to pieces. Yet another Crusher had died under his command. His *son* had died.

He fell back down into his chair...his head falling into his hands. He would have to go to Beverly soon...but he'd have to pull himself together first.

Hating to relinquish the warmth of his body next to hers she gently laid him back down on the bed, and out of habit checked his pulse again, and felt more tears flood from her eyes as confirmation stabbed her once again in the heart. He was gone, her son,...her baby was gone forever.

She pulled the covers off of his body gently removing the IV fluids kissing the places where his skin had bruised. She detached the sensors and looked over at the computers screen. It showed that his brain activity ceased mere minutes after his heart stopped beating, and his time of death was 2:02 a.m. She pulled his red Ensign's uniform out of the closet, cut off his shirt and pulled off his pajama pants.

His limbs were getting cooler...soon she knew they'd be stiff from lack of blood flow. She slid on his black socks and trousers and raised him up to put on his red Ensigns tunic. She brushed the hair back from his head with feather light touches.

She laid him back down on his bed and placed his arms across his chest. In his hand she placed Jack's St. Christopher medallion and she kissed his forehead. Taking a long look at him, she suddenly realized how beautiful he was, not just handsome but a beautiful soul. He had a light about him that was still left in his body even though he was gone. His hair had grown to a good length , a few auburn and chestnut brown tendrils hanging over his forehead which framed his face just right. His eyebrows framed around the curves of his occipital bones in a perfect arc. Dark lashes lay on high cheekbones, and his strong jaw line revealed the complete oval shape of his face evident of his Terran roots. There was even a glimpse of peace that had settled upon his features. Had she not known better she would have been assured he was simply asleep. She pulled the worn wool blanket that Wesley had slept under for years up to his neck and lay down beside him, her hand over his heart.

She wasn't surprised when the doors to her quarters swooshed open for the second time.

******************************** ************************************************** **************************  
Ten Forward  
0300 hrs.

"Remember when he accidentally programmed the ships computer to recognize even the slightest sign of fire. So when a flame from Deanna's desert was turned on the fire alarm went on and soaked her in her quarters...then woke up the entire ship during gamma shift."

"Oh that was so horrifying to wake up to that alarm! I wanted to strangle that kid!"Guinan echoed.

"It would have been less upsetting to just wake up on fire." Geordi remarked as they laughed.

The laughter stopped as Riker spied Deanna from across the room.

Counselor Troi entered the doors and found herself drifting towards their table. Somehow she knew her friends would be there...they were all so worried, so afraid, she knew no one would sleep that night. Commander Riker, Worf, Geordi all stood up dressed in their civvies. Data wore his usual uniform.

It took a few moments before she could formulate the words she so dreaded saying. Staring at the faces of her friends she felt their emotion at just the sight of her. She knew she didn't have to say anything. A voice inside her screamed at her to say it...she didn't want it to be real. But it was real, she'd seen for herself when she felt Beverly's anguish and went to see her. She took a deep shuddering breath.

"Wesley...Wes is gone."

Guinan brought over another chair and Riker planted Deanna in his seat as they stammered back to their chairs. They sat in silence.  
************************************************** ************************************************** ************************

She felt his eyes on her but refused to take her eyes away from her sons hands. They were still warm as she stroked a thumb back and forth across them . She felt the soft depression in the bed as he sat on the other side and laid a gentle hand on her son's head.

"Beverly, I... " he began, but she clutched Wesley tighter if that were possible and interrupted him.

"Jack." the single word sent a chill down his spine as she finally raised her eyes to meet his.

"He has him. Jack has our son now." she begrudgingly released him from her arms and lay him back on the bed. His features had softened and he looked, if possible, even younger than before.

Picard stood and walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. "I am so sorry I left you,...you have no idea how sorry...you should not have been alone"

A watery smile brightened her face as she dried her tears. "I wasn't alone. Wesley and I needed that time together, he needed me to be his mom and I wanted to be with my son. Deanna says she felt a presence on the ship that she couldn't explain, Jack was here, he came back for Wesley."

Picard knew Counselor Troi had abilities that went beyond the supernatural, but it still amazed him the kind of connections she could make to others both emotionally and spiritually. He was glad that she was able to bring Beverly some comfort when he could not.

He was trying to brace himself for the inevitable task he had to carry out. He loved this woman, and her son, but he had died of a contagious disease to which there was no cure. There was protocol to follow and studies that would need to be done. He couldn't bear the thought of Wesley being turned into a human guinea pig. He sighed deeply as he stared at the still frame of the young man and continued to stroke Beverly's hair. Before he could speak she looked up at him with sad blue eyes.

"I have called Starfleet Medical. They should be here shortly."

"So soon? Beverly are you sure?"

She squeezed his hand tightly as she took a longing glance at her son. "They'll need to perform an autopsy. His death was, sudden. He deteriorated too quickly, it wasn't just the virus."

"Was he in a lot of pain?"

"I exceeded the dosage, required. I made him as comfortable as I could. He begged me to fix this Jean Luc. He wanted me to find a cure for this so no one else dies from this. I am too late for my son, but I will honor his wishes. The autopsy is a start."  
************************************************** ************************************************** ********************

Worf stood out beside the Crusher's door. As Beverly was led out by Picard his hand around her shuddering shoulders. Two men approached to return Wesley to Starfleet Medical.

"I am sorry for your loss Doctor."

"Thank you Lieutenant."

"Is there something you need Worf?" Picard asked.

"I...I am here for Wesley.."

"I don't understand."

Worf cleared his throat. "I understand your Christian and Jewish heritage doctor and that of your son, he spoke of it in great detail at times."

Beverly stared at him confused.

"According to Jewish customs, it is customary for a guardian to stay with the body after the spirit has been released. I intend to stay with Wesley until you have decided upon a proper burial for a warrior such as him. I owe him that."

"A warrior Lt. Worf?" Picard felt a rush of pride swell through him.

"He faced death admirably. It was a long, hard fought battle, but he was a warrior nonetheless." he continued.

Worf was as fierce in his beliefs as they come, but this sudden show of humanity for the sake of Wesley was unfathomable.

Beverly fell against Worf's chest and sobbed uncontrollably. Something in him told him he should do something as Klingons did not show emotions as humans did. He raised a hand to her back and held her for a few moments. Jean Luc, pulled her from his uncomfortable grasp and let Worf into the quarters as he and Beverly left. Worf walked in and stared at the still, pale frame lying in the bed. He walked over and gently opened Wesley's eyelids and spoke words in Klingon,

_"reH Hegh yoHwI'pu''e'_." he said fiercely. He then closed his eyes again and stood guard at his bedroom door as the two Starfleet Medical employees completed their task of preparing his body for transport.  
************************************************** ************************************************** ************************

So...I could end it here...? Sorry! No Miracle Cures this time...you'll just have to be patient and read carefully...and please review!

**(FYI: I dedicated this to my brother for a reason, the part of just moments before Wesley's death is how my mom described it to me when she was with my brother, I know it sounds morbid, but it has helped me tremendously to put this in writing. Thank you for reading.)**

BTW: What did Worf say? You'll have to wait till the next chapter. Please Review...suggestions, flames, thoughts, concerns and ideas for new stories are always welcome. A Humor & Romance story is in the works "Switched" debuts at the conclusion of Chapter 14.


	11. Chapter 11:Miss You More

**Author:** Jadeblueafterglow17

**Disclaimers: Not Mine. But Cadet/Ensign Wesley Crusher will do in a fix. I only torture him and then comfort him because I love him! So believe me when I say...I'll always find a way to save him!**

**Summary:** Beverly carries on alone...

Worf's quote from the last chapter..."**reH Hegh yoHwI'pu''e'**. "Always it is the brave ones who die."

**Chapter 11**: **Miss You More**

Beverly released Wesley's body back to Starfleet Medical for a forensic study to see what went wrong. She hoped that the senseless loss of Wesley's life could somehow save others. She would not participate in the autopsy but she would be there to make sure with her own hands that her son was made whole again and that he was ready for an appropriate burial. Captain Picard never left her side, keeping a promise he'd made Wesley long ago, that he wanted him to look after his mother when he was gone. Of course Wesley had only meant to Starfleet Academy at the time, and it made him so angry that this young man just beginning his life was now gone forever.

She took one last longing look at the cold dead body and knew that her son was gone, all that remained was the shell in which his spirit and life had occupied. She leaned down and pressed her lips on his forehead, it was colder than ice.

"Good bye my sweetheart." she turned and leaned into Picard's open arm as they walked away.  
Worf kept his word, he didn't use a moment of his shore leave for himself. He was constantly at Wesley's door. He watched in fascination at the autopsy deciding that it was amazing that humans were an "unlucky" race if they only had one of everything should something go wrong, it could be fatal. As he saw Beverly and the captain approach he straightened up and came to attention.

"At ease Lieutenant."

"Worf, I want you to know that this has meant so much to me, this gesture of honoring our religious traditions, but I can relieve you of that duty now."

"But Doctor..."

"They are... they're about to..." she couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence. Jean Luc stepped in and swallowed hard.

"His body will be turned to particle matter, grains of carbon in a few minutes. His remains will be sent to the Enterprise for Beverly to do with what she wishes."

************************************************** ************************************************** ***********************  
**Stardate 43582.59**

It was raining. It wasn't supposed to rain in southern California but it did that afternoon. She would always remember because she thought if she were outside right now no one would question her tears, they might think of them as raindrops. They wouldn't ask her why she was crying. Of course they already knew, everyone knew.

Since Wesley had been declared an official officer, the flags at Starfleet had been lowered to half staff in his honor. As she stared out the window of the observatory where her son's remains were being finished, she couldn't but help feel devastated that he followed his father's footsteps in death instead of carving a new path in life.

As the evening approached, the overcast skies that had huddled together all morning to expel their rain cleared away to reveal cloudless large patches of blue. A glimmer of the suns horizon rays began to shine through and cast and auburn hue on the city below. It would be night soon. She would have to face them all again. She would have to listen to them. Yes, they all meant well, her son had been a part of their lives for the last three years too but it pained her to hear and come up with more than one word answers to what seemed like well rehearsed nuances:

"Beverly how are you..."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"I'm so sorry for your loss..."

"He was a brilliant boy..."

"Such a hard worker..."

"So much like his father..."

If they knew how they sounded they wouldn't say the platitudes that had once made her so proud but now made her feel so empty. The one phrase that stung the most came from the unlikeliest of sources. Kate Pulaski had dared uttered the words:

"He had such a good heart."

"A good heart." How ironic she thought, as she recalled the results of the autopsy. It had been the aneurysm to his heart due to the virus that had ended his life well short of 72 hours promised to her. A crippling pain had stolen her child from this world, and he only showed her the utmost peace in his expression of death.

She went back to her quarters and then to Wesley's room and gathered some items before carrying a tray from the Enterprise and proceeding to the transporter room, his remains (simple carbon atoms) in her loving arms.

As she materialized in the desired location on Earth's surface she thought she might cry. The scene was beautiful. She'd trusted "her family" to help her with the task of Wesley's memorial but this was completely unexpected. All along the sandy shores of the beach in San Francisco were glowing lighted paper lanterns that lead to the waters edge. She could hear the soft roar of the ocean in the distance as the silence of the crew surrounding it was nearly deafening. Each crew member held in their hand an old sparkler, a simple firework that when lit would burn the carbon and sulfur in a beautiful white and yellow starburst. It was one of Wesley's favorites.

She followed the path, nearly blinded by her own tears as Jean Luc Picard came up towards the head of the beach to meet her. He relieved her of all of her bundles with the exception of the urn as she was guided through the crowd of officers. Lined on the table were his communicator, his personal logs, several projects he'd worked on and dozens of photographs in holoframes large enough to hang on the wall. The pictures captured him with Jack and Beverly, some of his youth, and several with classmates, his friends Geordi and Data, and even one with the Captain. It was a beautiful display of his life.

Near the shore she was even more surprised to see her entire medical staff, all of her family, and all of the bridge's crew holding sparklers as well. She almost had to laugh at the expression that Commander Data held as he held the sparkling device in his hand. Lt. Worf held one as well, he was clearly not amused.

She turned to face the ship's crew as they stared at her, their faces a mix of concern and sympathy.

"Thank you...thank you all for coming...I know Wesley wouldn't have wanted a big fuss. I kind of think he would have liked this..." she found herself clutching the urn tighter than before as she tried unsuccessfully to hold back her tears. "I'm sorry..."

"Beverly we think no less of you please say whatever you wish to say, cry scream...it doesn't matter, we want to get through this with you..." Deanna walked up and hugged her.

"I just miss him...and I'm thankful he's no longer sick ..or in pain, but I miss him every minute of every day. Appreciate the time you have with those you love...you never know when it can be stolen from you. Wesley was my heart, please forgive me if I don't know what to do with myself now that my heart is gone."

Soon she found herself enveloped in a hug my her nurse and several others as she was escorted to one of the blankets.

Jean Luc Picard stood before his crew, his face changing from somber to one of an enigmatic grin, marred only by the tremble in his voice. He knew he had to do this for Beverly, but this was far too personal for him too.

"Wesley once said that he loved navigating the Enterprise, because he loved being among the stars. He said the first time he saw the Enterprise engage its warp engines he looked through the portal and though that the sky ...that the universe was putting on a fireworks show. He was entranced. Beverly said he had been fascinated by both his whole life. I think its only right that we remember him as those millions of stars that erupt like fireworks as we pass through time."

Picard turned and nodded his head and to his rear just off the shore was a tiny barge. Suddenly a burst was ignited and the sky was filled with red and green stars, giant streams of fire that went up into the night sky and fell like diamonds. The Enterprise's complement sat down on the beach and stared up at the display. Picard seated himself beside the inconsolable mother wrapping his arms around her as she cradled the urn. Beverly prayed that wherever Wesley was he could see the fireworks, and that he was happy and no longer in pain.

************************************************** ************************************************** ***********************  
**One Month Later**

Dr. Crusher returned to her duties as CMO, but very little of the former doctor made it back. Her relationship with the captain had become strained and she is a shell of her former self. Her work continues to be exceptional, but she is reclusive, withdrawn, and spent all of her time in sickbay avoiding her quarters as much as possible.

Deanna senses the grief Beverly carries around, It's so overwhelming that it keeps her awake at night. She suggests That Beverly sending subspace messages to Earth as if addressing them to Wesley, just as if she is talking to him. She thinks it is silly, but Deanna reminds her how much comfort she got from the nightly talks with Wes while she was away at Starfleet medical, sometimes talking to him so late at night that he began to fall asleep talking to her those first few nights. She remembered how she felt connected to him even when he was so far away.

Counselor Troi reminded her that even though he can't respond, Wesley is in her heart, and he's a part of her and all around her.

"Maybe somehow through writing to him you can find the peace you seek." Beverly is skeptical as she went through some of her son's personal logs and found that he kept their old transmissions. She found herself laughing out loud in a few but crying through most...it was still a comfort to hear his voice but devastating to hear it end with a program.

When she came to a particular one she froze the frame in time, and sat in a chair to study the screen. She remembered this transmission vividly. She remembered how much she was missing Wesley while she was away from the Enterprise and she'd played it atleast a dozen times just so she could hear the excitement in her son's voice.

"Computer resume program." she beckoned.

Wesley was perched in the middle of his bed wearing his bed clothes as he first sat and then lay on a perched arm talking with his mother. He talked about being on the bridge during a pursuit of a Ferengi Cruiser, and performing multiple "Picard-Picard maneuvers to out-run a ship. She remember how animated he'd been. She watched as he slowly wore himself out as he was now laying flat answering her barrage of questions. Soon they were reduced to one sentence and then finally to one word answers, as she bore witness to one of her favorite things in the world. She watched him slowly drift off to sleep and just before he was completely gone she whispered:

"Good night Wes...I love you..." She was more surprised to hear his subconscious answer

"...love you too." She smiled at the memory as the transmission ended.

"Computer save program Crusher, Beverly 252."

"Overwrite Crusher, Wesley 38?"

She hesitated. "Yes"

"Acknowledged. Program saved." came the automated reply. His logs could be saved as long as she was on the Enterprise, but at this point, she was not sure how much longer that would be.

Beverly stared at the picture Data had painted of Wesley on the wall, and glanced at other pictures she'd hanged in his absence. She'd captured her son as a perpetual teenager. She would never see him grow beyond that. No matter how mature, brilliant and talented he was, she would always be reminded that his life was stolen from him.

************************************************** ************************************* *************************************  
The next day  
The Letter

She couldn't believe she let Counselor Troi talk her into this. But if she thought it would help ease the constant ache she felt over the loss of her son she would try. A part of her wanted to feel the pain, because it seemed to drift away too soon after Jack died, and she wanted to hang on to the love and the emotion she had for Wesley for the rest of her life no matter how much it killed her to do so. She glanced over at his human remains in the shiny deuterium urn. She ran trembling fingers across the engraved numbers and letters.

_Ensign Wesley Robert Crusher _

_July 29, 2349 - July 30, 2366 _

_Beloved Son, Officer, and Friend_

She took a picture frame and held it in her hands. It was the most recent picture she had of her sixteen year old son. There would be none of the mere hours of the last year of his life. The picture was of Wesley captured while working in a science lab. He was pensive with thought as he worked in the photo, but the student who gave her the picture had managed to capture a glimmer of his often shy smile, a smile that she recognized as one where he'd solved a problem. She ran her hands across his face and thought about what Deanna had told her.

"Talk to him...write him...he can hear you...he's still right here with you."

Beverly took the PADD in her hand and began to write the words seamlessly on the electronic screen. As they echoed in her mind they seem to flow without faltering...

_**I finally took your pictures off the wall **_

_**It didn't even help at all you're simply too beautiful.**_  
_**I've got you frozen in a frame inside my mind,**_  
_**how can I forget your smile, even for a little while?**_

_**They say that time will take this pain away,**_  
_**time will heal, these scars will fade,**_  
_**time will give me back my heart again.**_

_**Do you even know what you've done to me,**_  
_**how I'm drowning in your memories?**_  
_**It's so hard to breathe, now that you're gone.**_

_**Do you know it rips out the heart of me, every time I wake up here alone?**_  
_**How can I move on, when all I do is miss you more?**_

She looked at the words she'd written on the PADD and thought that they didn't sound like much of a letter...She wiped her eyes, selected the text and her fingers hovered over the send button for a few moments before she clicked delete, and began again.

_"It's been thirty-nine days since...we left Earth, since you've been gone. God Wesley, it hurts. I don't know, I think I left part of my soul there. I feel so empty. I miss waking up and seeing you walk in for breakfast with the worst case of bed head in the world just so I can ruffle my hands through it before you combed it to "Ensign Crusher Standards"._

_I know how you hated me mussing with your hair, but you let me because you knew that was my way of keeping you my little boy...even as you became a young man; A morning kiss on the cheek, a grumble of 'morning mom' and a hair ruffle...it was our routine. I used think it was so trivial and mundane. I thought you'd outgrow it, or I would._

_I haven't._

_I still hear your footsteps. I still wait to see you walk through the door. But you don't, I stare at it for hours but you don't come._  
_I sit and think how I used to say "don't wait for me . . . go ahead and eat your breakfast"...and no matter how long I frittered around, you sat patiently and waited until I was seated before you'd take even a single bite._

_I remember the Cheshire cat grin that lit up your face when everything was cooked just right and you didn't have to speak a word of thanks because it was reflected in your eyes as they danced. You are so funny Wesley. You were... such a joy. God how I miss that."_

She stopped for a moment to dry her tears as the flood of memories actually brought a strangled laugh to the surface.

_"Do you remember when we went to Gavar II to the colony of Renar. We were eating lunch in the garden with Counselor Troi and her sister. You were so intent on impressing her you took a bite of that hot fire exotic carp. You refused to show her you were in the least bit of pain but I could tell you were steaming. Your face turned bright red and sweat was pouring from your skin. She was impressed, but not because you were silly enough to eat that fish, but because of your natural charm and good looks."_

She briefly smiled remembering the look on his face, cheeks flushed, eyes wide, his face sweating profusely as he began to squirm in a collar that now seemed two sizes too small.

_"Do you remember I finally had to make an excuse to pull you from the table so you could get some water? You drank from the garden fountain for like five minutes straight. Oh the look on your face Wesley...your classic "It's not funny mom." with that pout and little twinkle in your eye...I knew you weren't mad at me for laughing ...you could never be mad at me."_

_She sighed heavily._

_"Are you mad Wesley? Because I am. I am so mad, and angry at myself. I hate myself. I hate that with all the technology and medicine that we have...and with every person that I treated and saved and helped...I couldn't save you. I couldn't save the most important person in the universe to me...I couldn't save my son. I couldn't stop your pain, I couldn't stop the hurt, I couldn't make it all better. You suffered horribly, and I let it happen. You tried so hard to fight...for me...to hang on to this life even as the pain and sickness ravaged your body. All I could do was selfishly beg you to hold on, to not leave me, when in your eyes you pleaded with me...to let you go."_

_"Wesley, please tell me there's no more hurt where you are...I wish I could be there with you. I pray you're with your dad and he's taking care of you til I can get there."_

_I would give anything to see you whole again, to see your smile again._

_I miss you and love you Wesley,_

_Love Always, Mom"_

She didn't want to read what she had typed for fear that she would not send her message. She clicked the button instantly and sent the subspace message to the coordinates that Deanna suggested. Beverly got up from the terminal and put the chair exactly as it had been and walked over and sat on the bed. She was in Wesley's quarters. She couldn't bring herself to return to her own. It was a constant reminder of her son's sickness and death, and his room reminded her of his life; his time as an ensign, his studies, and his too brief existence in this universe of seventeen years and two mere hours.

She laid on his bed and inhaled the scent on the pillow, it still held the fragrance of his hair, she could imagine him sitting on the bed telling her about his latest science project. But the emptiness was all that was left as a deep breath led to more tears and hitching deep in her chest as she clung tightly to the pillow and cried till all she could hear was the sound of her own self breathing.

************************************************** ********************************** **************************************  
Would Beverly do anything to see her son again? Exactly how far would she go? Will the letter help her heal her soul? What do you think should happen next...I have two endings to this story I am thinking of posting... : ) The next chapter Beverly finds some joy.

The slightly altered lyrics (Beverly's deleted letter) in bold italics are from "_**Miss You More**_" by New Kids on The Block from their new album "10".


	12. Chapter 12: World's Apart

**Title**: "A Beat in My Heart"

************************************************** ************************************************** **************************  
**Author's Notes:** Lucy Cakes, EastYorkDisneyFan, Guest, and Fluttershy, thank you so much for your comments in the last chapter. The first chapter I actually started with in this story was chapter 2 and 11 everything else just fell in place around it so I really appreciate it, your reviews really keep me going. To have my work described as "powerful" is really awesome! Fluttershy29, your threats of breaking my fingers are kinda self defeating...If you break them I cannot type but still very funny nonetheless. Jen. I love your honesty, it cracks me up. I appreciate you reading past me killing him. But hey I may still surprise you yet !

**Summary**: I'm right here with you...we're never apart...

Chapter 12 Stardate 44573.6  
************************************************** ************************************************** **********************

The Enterprise D was docked at Starbase 154 to pick up a new crew rotation for Engineering (Ensigns Brewster and Lefler) and to get new medical supplies. Dr. Crusher had personally seen to the delivery of some new medical equipment. In the passing of a year her auburn hair had grown back to its shoulder length and was pulled back in a soft pony tail away from her face. Around her neck a shining silver locket glimmered in the light as she fondled it with her hand. She opened the locket inside was Wesley's picture, and the mass of the locket contained portions of his DNA remains. She took a seat at a nearby table in the cafe/bookstore and stared at the people passing by. She sipped from her coffee as they smiled and laughed and talked and lived their life. "Life goes on" she heard herself say...but for her it didn't.

Lately every young man she sees reminds her of her son and she gets weepy just thinking about it. When she sees a handsome young man across the room from the back that resembles him, she is torn up and gets up to leave heading back for the Enterprise. Something makes her turn back. The young man is facing away from her as he stares at a trinket contemplating a purchase.

When he asks the attendee the cost she hears his voice and stops her approach towards him. Sensing her proximity the young man turned around and shock and then happiness warms his expression.

Beverly is stunned as she withdraws from him. She turns and begins to walk away from him and heads for the gangway back to the Enterprise.

Suddenly she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Please wait." the voice asked. He sounded so much like him. She turned around and tears sprang from her eyes at the sight. The young man looked just like her son. He looked like him. He sounded like him.

"I saw the three galaxy class star ships in dock here. I meant to leave before the Enterprise docked but I guess I got distracted." he said holding up the twinkling object in his hand.

It was then that he noticed her tears. He reached up and wiped the tear from her cheek.

"I'm sorry...please...don't." she beckoned asking him to stop but not moving from his grasp.

"What's wrong? You don't seem like yourself...well not like any Beverly Crusher or Beverly Picard I have ever encountered." he chuckled.

"Beverly Pic -... who are you...what are you?"

"Oh! I'm sorry, I thought you recognized me. Please forgive me for intruding," the young man said as he turned and started to walk away.

"Wesley?" she said her voice barely audible as he turned to face her again.

"Yes. I am Wesley Crusher but obviously not your Wesley. I am a Traveler. It's hard to explain." he grinned nervously. God, she missed that grin.

She nodded. "No...I understand...I've heard of the traveler. My son Wes... well he met him once or twice."

"I guess this is strange but you seemed so sad. I could never stand to see my mother upset. Is your son here? Did something happen?"  
She ran her hands across his face and was just amazed there was virtually no difference between him and her son. This young man seemed a little older, a little taller, but her son would be almost 18 by now too.

"My Wesley was very sick with a horrible virus... and I... I couldn't save him and he died 11 months, 26 days ago. ...but you..."

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." he said as he turned to move away.

"No. Please don't go. I miss him so much." she cried grasping his hand. He pulled her into a firm embrace and she visibly relaxed into his arms and inhaled his scent. He even smelled like her son, his sandalwood and vanilla shampoo, and the feel of him felt so much like her Wesley, she didn't want to let him go.

"I miss you too mom, you and dad. It's been so hard being alone."

Beverly pulled away from him and stared at his teary eyes.

"Wesley?"

"My father was killed on the Stargazer when I was 5 and my mother died a year ago on the Enterprise she was ill, a virus claimed her life while she tried to save mine. I didn't even get to say goodbye." She was alarmed at the similarities but sensing his heartbreak she grabbed him again and held him.

"Wes...this virus you and your mother had, was it the Leutscher virus?" he nodded solemnly bowing his head. She held his hand tightly until the realization of her question hit him.

"Your son?" she nodded grimly.

"I thought I was protecting him, trying to keep him from getting sick..."

"The shots..."

"Your mother did them too?"

"Yes, we both had them but she developed other complications...I can only assume your son did as well." Beverly nodded tears flooding her eyes.

"You did what you thought was best to protect him, she did what she could to protect us." Beverly stared off into the distance unsure if she could believe his words.

"They sat and talked for the better part of two hours, it was amazing the similar stories they had except this Wesley had entered Starfleet when he was 15 and had taken his leave of it when his mother died to study with the traveler.

The traveler. In his universe her son was a traveler and had learned to hone in his god-like powers manipulating time and space. She wondered where Wesley's life may have gone had she been able to save him. Would he leave her to go explore the universe for decades at a time? Could she deal with losing him that way?

She would never get the chance to ask him about the relationships he left behind on Earth and the Enterprise because she suddenly felt his strong, warm hands pulling away.

"I have to go..." he whispered standing releasing her hand.

"No. Please...you could stay with me..." she pleaded gnawing at her lips. Wesley stared at her contemplatively. He thought how wonderful it would be to be with his mother again, but the very nature of studying to to be a traveler was its randomness and unpredictability. He could not stay with her no matter how much he wanted to heal their hearts.

"I wish I could, but I can't stay...I can't alter this timeline anymore than I have."

"Please..." she begged.

Wesley's heart broke into a million pieces. He could feel every ounce of anguish this Beverly felt over the loss of her "Wesley." He felt physically ill as her pain consumed him, his own ache for his mother clutching at his soul. He kissed both of her cheeks where her tears were falling and stared at her face, engraining it into his memory forever.

He remembered something his mother always used to say, and he hoped and prayed it had meaning for this Beverly. He kissed her hand and placed it over his heart.

"You're right here with me. We're never apart as long as there's a beat in my heart."

" I guess some things are a constant between us in any universe..."

"Remember your Wesley is right there in your heart too. Goodbye, I love you mom."

"I love you too Wesley." She felt strange calling him her son's name, but it gave her a bit of closure as she stared at his handsome face, hugged him tightly one last time, inhaling deeply savoring the warmth and feel of this life in her arms.

"Wait...It's your birthday in a few days right?" the young man nodded.

"I'll never get to say this again. Happy birthday Wesley. May you have many more." She kissed him on the cheek.

"Thanks...mom." he smiled as he smoothed a hand down her face and walked away. He turned and smiled one last time and disappeared in a flash of light. The ache at seeing him disappear in front of her eyes was unbearable. She was barely able to stand.

"Transporter room...one to beam up...please." she also disappeared in a shimmer of light.

She went back to her quarters and drank a glass of wine and settled onto her son's bed and cried. She cried for her son. Losing Jack was the most painful feeling she thought she would ever experience but losing Wesley, losing her baby boy before he could truly begin his life, she couldn't stand it.

She heard her son's door open and was surprised to see her visitor.

"How did you know I was here?" she whispered staring at the floor.

"I'm so worried about you my love...It kills me that you are trying to grieve alone."

He kneeled in front of her and took her beautiful sad face in his hands. Gently he kissed her lips and pulled her into his arms. Her head lay on his shoulder as he led her to a chair. He sat down and sat her in his lap.

"Wesley would not want this for you, he could not stand your sadness any more than I could. We can both grieve for him, but we must also live for him." he wiped a tear from her cheek as she thumbed the locket around her neck. She knew he was right, she would have to live her life for Wesley and for herself.

**After this chapter go directly to chapter 15. Otherwise you will be viewing an alternate ending.**

************************************************** ************************************  
I promised a happy ending didn't I...is this happy enough or do you need another chapter? Well you need to earn it. Give me some nice warm fuzzy reviews and your suggestions for new stories.


	13. Chapter 13: Journey's End (Alternate End

**NOTE: THIS is an alternate Ending...it starts as a flashpoint which began in chapter 7. Tread carefully. Do not read if you do not want Wesley to live.**

**Title:** A Beat In My Heart

**Summary:** Fate intervenes...

**Chapter 13 - Journey's End - Alternate Ending**

************************************************** *************************************** ********************************  
Beverly counted the number of injured crew men as she skirted across the sandy ground. Tricorder in hand she dodged phaser blasts as she tended to the injured.

"Where the hell is the ship? They should be back by now."

_An Ambush._

They'd been lured here on a mission of discovery and attacked as soon as the Enterprise had gone on a mission of distress.

"A ruse." she contemplated looking at the ground now littered with seven Enterprise crew members including two of her medical staff. They lay injured, bleeding.

She glanced in the direction of Will Riker, the Enterprise's second in command. Where his once proud chest was, now there was a large disruptor burn, a wide eyed expression of horror and surprise across his face. She tried to shake the image from her mind. She'd seen enough death to last a lifetime.

As Beverly ran to try to find a hiding place she tripped and fell, her locket catching on her jacket as it was ripped from her neck and tossed into the sand.

A phaser blast whooshed past her head mere seconds before she fell.

"Dr. Crusher we have a lock on your location, prepare to beam up."

Her breath caught in her throat as she ignored Picard's calls of her name and searched the sand for the locket frantically. As her hand hit pay dirt she didn't feel the first shot graze her arm but she felt the second disruptor blast. A white hot agony stung her chest as a scream was stolen from her lips and she collapsed into the sand.

Time, which stops for no mere mortal... took a deep breath...and paused.

The tall man with shimmering white skin stared at the young man. He had hoped that he would be able to resist his human emotion and continue his studies. There were so few beings, and he was the only one of his species that had shown such amazing promise.

The young man sat perched at the edge of the heavens and had watched as the events before him unfolded.

"I can't believe this has happened...just from a chance meeting."

"You are just beginning to understand how numbers and patterns run the universe..."

"I have to fix this."

"You would choose this, already knowing what pain, grief, dishonor and torture lies ahead in the decisions you will make? You will give up all the knowledge of what you have seen, felt, experienced?"

"I can't give up the human experience either. I can't; not knowing there's a chance. I know that this breaks your rules of altering lives...but technically I am not, I am just giving up mine...I have no one to go back to, well except you and the others. "

"Your friends will wonder what became of you... the Captain, the Android, the Counselor..."

"They knew that I might not be back..."the young man sighed. This decision was getting harder by the minute.

"I know of this future, when that one event occurred a chain of events was set in motion which changed the future in this reality. He was not supposed to perish, not like this."

"But he did..."

"I can fix this."

"You alter this path and you may perish too. If you would just finish what you have started you will see that it will all work out."

"But now it doesn't. You've shown me my friend! She will die too. Please! I must intervene. I know that as sentient beings we don't get hurt, or sick...but I am also human, eventually I will die. If I must die in an existence, it would be nice to live in one where I am needed."

The young man stared at the scene before him as time stood still. The stars, space, and time still moved around him but the fabric of life in this universe was now under his control, virtually at the snap of his fingertips. He'd seen amazing things in his time with this amazing being, months in the passage of normal time had passed in space time in a blink of an eye. He had the ability to change his form to blend in almost anywhere, and do anything. He would be giving up immense power and with it the responsibility of the continuity of infinite universes.

"I feel like such a disappointment to you...the others."

"You know that could never be true. It is your choice...your path. Your counterpart as you have seen, chose many different paths, different lives. If you go, you must follow this existence to its end without prior knowledge. Your memories of what you've seen of his future will be gone..., everything you've experienced will be gone, but you know that in your heart already."

"Maybe I'll see you again someday...we know that "he" has called upon you for help too...maybe I'll remember."

"Then you've made your decision."

"The humanity in me can't stop wanting to rejoin the human race...I have to go back to her. "

"She is not 'her'."

"I know, and I am not "him" I cannot take his place...but together we will be fine."

The young man smiled brightly and began to concentrate deeply. He would need every ounce of power he had to complete his task. He wasn't even sure he could do this alone. He then realized he wouldn't have to. The alien being suddenly filled himself with light and reached out his hand towards the young man as he closed his eyes. The young man slowly disappeared in a brilliant white light as time shifted and the stars in the sky seemed to twinkle again.

"Good bye young one."  
88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 8888888888888888888888888

Did he go back?...forward?...change the future? present? or past? Hmmmmm...one last chapter to find out. Please Review.


	14. Chapter 14: Patient Zero

**Title**: A Beat in My Heart

**Disclaimers**: Not mine...never were...

**Author's Note**: I could think of no better day to end this story than on what would be my brother's 45th birthday! Thank you to all of those who have followed and reviewed faithfully. Your final thoughts and suggestions for a new story are always welcome. -J  
************************************************** ************************************************** ********************************

**Chapter 14: Patient Zero**

Beverly felt groggy and tired as she struggled to open her eyes. She took a deep breath and felt a hand holding her hand. As piercing blue orbs came into focus she noticed she was no longer in Wesley's room. The dim lights and open space did look vaguely familiar. She realized she was in the isolation bay of Starfleet Medical.

Nurse Sullivan stood next to her and smiled at her.

"You're awake. We've been so worried about you." Beverly looked confused as she stared at the nurse.

She tried to talk but achieved only a low rumble. She was given a bit of water through a straw.

"I should be dead."

"What did you say?"

"A disruptor blast to my chest...I should be dead...am I dead?"

The nurse shrugged her shoulders and shared a confused look with the captain and counselor as they arrived in time to hear her frightening statement.

Captain Picard and Deanna Troi stared down at her calmly with a bright smile as the nurse placed a hypo spray to her neck. They moved her to sit up in the bed.

"Beverly, you gave us all quite a scare." His timbre began, blinking away unshed tears as he kissed her hand.

"You're doing much better, your fever finally broke 24 hours ago and your vitals are stabilized."

"Fever? What are you talking about? " She asked as Picard sat on the bed and held her hand. His face was haggard and worn from countless hours of missed sleep at her side.

"The stardate is now 44136.39. What's the last thing you remember?"

She closed her eyes as the memories came flooding back, the look and feel of her son as he lay so cold and lifeless, the double she met on the starbase; lying on her sons bed...

"Wesley..." she said as tears rolled down her cheeks.

Picard smiled, glanced at the nurse and left the room. "Of course."

She shook her head ..."I still can't believe he's gone..."

"Beverly... what do you mean he's gone?" Deanna began sensing her fear.

She wiped furiuosly at her tears as she stared angrily at Deanna. "I'm sorry, I know it's been a year...but I still miss him like it was yesterday."

"A year? Beverly, you took care of Wesley until you took ill, and we brought you both here. It's been three days."

She closed her eyes not acknowledging her words.

"I couldn't save him..." she whispered closing her eyes; the pain of the memories washing over her.

Dr. Parrish walked in and stood by the bedside.

"Perhaps this is all too much for Dr. Crusher. I think it may be a good idea for everyone to leave so she can rest."

Before the doctor could enforce his wishes the tired voice of his other patient reached his ears.

"Mom." A voice announced weakly approaching the bed. Beverly turned towards the voice and there stood a young man who looked incredibly like her son. He was being assisted by Nurse Sullivan and the Captain. He was thinner, paler, and looked as weak as a newborn puppy but he looked alive.

"Please...God...not again...please stop this." she whimpered closing her eyes tightly.

"Mom, what's wrong?" She didn't open her eyes until she felt his warm hand on top of hers.

"Wesley, is it really you?" He stared at her strangely as she grabbed at his hand. He was warm, and his life's blood still coursed through his veins.

"Mom, its me. "

"I think she may be a little confused Wes..."

"After you blacked out Dr. Crusher, you were both brought here and we found out you were infected with the virus as well. In fact, the doctors believe you are Patient Zero Beverly, that you harbored the virus from Caldos."

"What? How is that possible..."

"Apparently you were a carrier..." Deanna interjected.

"When we arrived we told them of your idea for the transfusion of my blood to help Wesley."

"It's a good thing you did...we had no idea what else we could do for him. I can honestly say we came very close to losing Mr. Crusher." the doctor concluded.

Beverly closed her eyes pushing back the horrible memories of his death. It all seemed so real.

Wesley sighed exhaustedly and Picard was at his side in an instant.

"But he's doing better now?"

"He's still very weak Doctor Crusher. His meningitis, compiled with the Leutscher virus destroyed his immune system...he's got 5 minutes then back to bed." The nurse demanded helping Wesley to sit at his mother's bedside. Even the effort of walking and standing seemed to exhaust him after more then a week of being confined to a bed.

"We're running a full genetic makeup on you both, we feel that there is something missing."

Beverly remembered the conversation from her nightmare and spoke up immediately. She was sure they would think she was crazy but, her grandmother had always told her dreams always had meaning.

"Check Wesley for Epstein Barr Syndrome"

"Hmmm. Interesting theory. I will check for that, and remember what I said Mr. Crusher...5 minutes..."

"Oh I'll make sure of that, please move his bed in here with me. I don't want him out of my sight..."

"Mom..." he whined.

Her voice suddenly filled with emotions as the others excused themselves from the room.

"Please Wesley..." she cried... "Please ..."

"Ok Mom. I'm going to be okay...please don't cry, you know that kills me..."

"Don't say that..." she placed a hand to his lips. She reached out and pulled him close to her nearly toppling him over. She touched his face and his chest and rubbed his shoulders and hair. She sobbed happily and pulled him towards her chest and held him tight as he collapsed into her. He pulled his feet onto the bed She reached over and pinched her arm. Satisfied that she was awake she sighed contentedly.

"Its really you..."

"Are you alright mom?" he mumbled patting her shoulder careful not to tangle their IV's. A deep yawn captured him as he settled into the crook of her neck.

"Yes...I'm fine now...you're here...I'm fine."

"I'm not five years old you know. I look pretty silly lying here with you."

"It's not silly that I need to hold my son you will always be my baby Wes."

"I don't ever want to go through this again...this was awful." his voice rasped,

"Oh Wes...you have no idea how awful..." she raked her hands through his hair. His skin was cool and dry and his hair smelled clean and the soothing motion was making him sleepy again. Her grasp was so strong he was unable to pull from her arms so he just stayed put. For some reason he knew she must have suffered some of the same night terrors that he had, although hers must have involved him.

"Promise you'll never leave me son."

Wesley stared at his mothers hands and looked sad, he'd had terrible fevered nightmares, and many visions of torture, injury, pain, and death that seemed too real to be dismissed and he knew he could not make that promise.

"I'll always be right here mom..." he whispered, yawning deeply, his knuckle tapping over her heart.

As the stardate played again in her head she pulled the nearly asleep Wesley ever closer to her and whispered.

"Happy Birthday baby..."

A glint from the light above reflected on Wesley's neck and it caught her eye. As she reached and fingered the shiny crystal like trinket on his neck a strange sense of _deja vu_ overwhelmed her. She couldn't place where she'd seen the object before, but it was a unique piece. She kissed the top of her son's head and closed her eyes.

Standing at the door to the room, the tall man dressed as an orderly smiled. The young man was happy now. He would come back for him again, the next time his protege' would be ready.  
************************************************** ************************************************** *****************************

**Proceed to Chapter 14 A - Epilogue**

Stardate Note: 44136.39 {July 29, 2366 8:57 a.m} (Wesley's birthday is the same as the actor except there is a one year age difference making Wesley older...7/29/2349 (7/29/72)

See...I told you it would be a happy ending...and if you paid attention in chapter 7 you would have figured it out...She just had 10 hours of sleep...why is she lethargic? Thoughts? comments? The story Final Mission III is in the works for an end of June debut...but how about a break from the angst? The next story to post is called "Switched" and is a Humor/Romance/Dramedy...for Mature readers only : ) Wesley/Robin & Bev/Picard pairings


	15. Chapter 15: Patient Zero (Regular Ending

**Author's Note: A friend of mine read this this weekend and offered some valuable advice, so I have tweaked a few things, and there will be other changes within the story over the next few days including an epilogue for the alternate ending. I'll also have to update Final Mission for this story's regular ending for continuity purposes since this is an Arc Series. 1st?: Alienation of Affection, 2nd: Patient X, 3rd Final Mission, 4th: Game Over , 5th: Duty to Defend**

**Chapter 15: Patient Zero- Regular Ending**

Beverly felt groggy and tired as she struggled to open her eyes. She took a deep breath and felt a hand holding her hand. As piercing blue orbs came into focus she noticed she was no longer in Wesley's room. The dim lights and open space did look vaguely familiar. She realized she was in the isolation bay of Starfleet Medical.

Nurse Sullivan stood next to her and smiled at her.

"You're awake. We've been so worried about you." Beverly looked confused as she stared at the nurse.

She tried to talk but achieved only a low rumble. She was given a bit of water through a straw.

Captain Picard and Deanna Troi stared down at her calmly with a bright smile as the nurse placed a hypo spray to her neck. They moved her to sit up in the bed.

"Beverly, you gave us all quite a scare." His timbre began, blinking away unshed tears as he kissed her hand.

"You're doing much better, your fever finally broke 24 hours ago and your vitals are stabilized."

"Fever?" She asked as Picard sat on the bed and held her hand. His face was haggard and worn from countless hours of missed sleep at her side.

"The stardate is now 44136.39. What's the last thing you remember?"

She closed her eyes as the memories came flooding back, the look and feel of her son as he lay so cold and lifeless, the double she met on the starbase; lying on her son's bed...

"Wesley..." she said as tears rolled down her cheeks.

Picard smiled, glanced at the nurse and left the room. "Of course."

She shook her head ..."I still can't believe he's gone..."

"Beverly... what do you mean he's gone?" Deanna began sensing her fear.

She wiped furiously at her tears as she stared angrily at Deanna.

"I'm sorry, I know it's been a year...but I still miss him like it was yesterday."

"A year? Beverly, you took care of Wesley until you took ill, and we brought you both here. It's been three days."

She closed her eyes not acknowledging her words.

"I couldn't save him..." she whispered closing her eyes; the pain of the memories washing over her.

Dr. Parrish walked in and stood by the bedside.

"Perhaps this is all too much for Dr. Crusher. I think it may be a good idea for everyone to leave so she can rest."

Before the doctor could enforce his wishes the tired voice of his other patient reached his ears.

"Mom." A voice announced weakly approaching the bed. Beverly turned towards the voice and there stood a young man who looked incredibly like her son. He was being assisted by Nurse Sullivan and the Captain. He was thinner, paler, and looked as weak as a newborn puppy but he looked alive.

"Please...God...not again...please stop this." she whimpered closing her eyes tightly.

"Mom, what's wrong?" She didn't open her eyes until she felt his warm hand on top of hers.

"Wesley, is it really you?" He stared at her strangely as she grabbed at his hand. He was warm, and his life's blood still coursed through his veins.

"Mom, its me. "

"I think she may be a little confused Wes..."

"After you blacked out Dr. Crusher, you were both brought here and we found out you were infected with the virus as well. In fact, the doctors believe you are Patient Zero Beverly, that you harbored the virus from Caldos."

"What? How is that possible..."

"Apparently you were a carrier..." Deanna interjected.

"When we arrived we told them of your idea for the transfusion of my blood to help Wesley."

"It's a good thing you did...we had no idea what else we could do for him. I can honestly say we came very close to losing Mr. Crusher." the doctor concluded.

Beverly closed her eyes pushing back the horrible memories of his death. It all seemed so real.

Wesley sighed exhaustedly and Picard was at his side in an instant.

"But he's doing better now?"

"He's still very weak Doctor Crusher. His meningitis, compiled with the Leutscher virus nearly destroyed his immune system...he's got 5 minutes then back to bed." The nurse demanded helping Wesley to sit at his mother's bedside. Even the effort of walking and standing seemed to exhaust him after more then a week of being confined to a bed.

"Yes, Wesley you need to hurry up and get better soon...you're going to need to be in tip-top shape if you are going to report to Starfleet Academy in two weeks." Picard said proudly, patting him on the shoulder. Wesley smiled briefly. His mother's face still held that look of sheer terror that said she didn't even want to discuss the possibility of him leaving and going to Earth so soon after their ordeal.

"Captain, let's get them well first. We're running a full genetic makeup on you both, we feel that there is something missing."

Beverly remembered the conversation from her nightmare and spoke up immediately. She was sure they would think she was crazy but, her grandmother had always told her dreams always had meaning.

"Check Wesley for Epstein Barr Syndrome"

"Hmmm. Interesting theory. I will check for that, and remember what I said Mr. Crusher...5 minutes..."

"Oh I'll make sure of that, please move his bed in here with me. I don't want him out of my sight..."

"Mom..." he whined.

Her voice suddenly filled with emotions as the others excused themselves from the room.

"Please Wesley..." she cried... "Please ..."

"Ok Mom. I'm going to be okay...please don't cry, you know that kills me..."

"Don't say that..." she placed a hand to his lips. She reached out and pulled him close to her nearly toppling him over. She touched his face and his chest and rubbed his shoulders and hair. She sobbed happily and pulled him towards her chest and held him tight as he collapsed into her. He pulled his feet onto the bed She reached over and pinched her arm. Satisfied that she was awake she sighed contentedly.

"Its really you..."

"Are you alright mom?" he mumbled patting her shoulder careful not to tangle their IV's. A deep yawn captured him as he settled into the crook of her neck.

"Yes...I'm fine now...you're here...I'm fine."

"I'm not five years old you know. I look pretty silly lying here with you."

"It's not silly that I need to hold my son you will always be my baby Wes."

"I don't ever want to go through this again...this was awful." his voice rasped,

"Oh Wes...you have no idea how awful..." she raked her hands through his hair. His skin was cool and dry and his hair smelled clean and the soothing motion was making him sleepy again. Her grasp was so strong he was unable to pull from her arms so he just stayed put. For some reason he knew she must have suffered some of the same night terrors that he had, although hers must have involved him.

"Promise you'll never leave me son."

Wesley stared at his mothers hands and looked sad, he'd had terrible fevered nightmares, and many visions of torture, injury, pain, and death that seemed too real to be dismissed and he knew he could not make that promise.

"I'll always be right here mom..." he whispered, yawning deeply, his knuckle tapping over her heart.

As the stardate played again in her head she pulled the nearly asleep Wesley ever closer to her and whispered.

"Happy Birthday baby..." She kissed the top of her son's head and closed her eyes.  
************************************************** ************************************************** **************************

This ending DOES NOT lead to my story Final Mission. Thanks for reading : )

The End

Stardate Note: 44136.39 {July 29, 2366 8:57 a.m} (Wesley's birthday is the same as the actor except there is a one year age difference making Wesley older...7/29/2349 (7/29/72)


	16. Chapter 14A Epilogue

**Title:** A Beat in My Heart: Patient X

**Author's Note**: This Epilogue is for the Alternate ending only.

THANK YOU Fluttershy29 for finding the critical error of two missing chapters! So nice of you to pay attention! Thanks!  
************************************************** ************************************************** **********************

**Chapter 14-A: Simple Nuances**

Dr. Beverly Crusher returned to duty a mere four days after waking up in sick bay at Starfleet Medical. Her body's ability to make antibodies for the horrible Leutscher virus would soon help people all over the galaxy fight this deadly disease. Somehow her son had also been saved. As she sat in her office she stared for possibly only the hundredth time at Wesley's test results. He had Epstein Barr, a rare immuno deficiency syndrome, he also had the same rare blood type as the captain.

Those were the simple answers.

She had watched him die. Held him as they both cried, saw him take his last breath. She remembered the urn bearing his name and could vividly recall seeing his name etched on it.

No evidence of any of this could be found. She had dreamt of her son's death? Forseen it? What kind of mother does that?

A full body shiver surged through her bringing gooseflesh to her skin as she quickly rubbed at her arms and tried to displace the morbid thoughts in her mind.

There were other small nuances. He drank coffee instead of tea now. For the past few nights he'd fallen asleep on her sofa...something he hadn't done since long before the incident with the alien parasite, and most importantly he seemed at peace...with everything, like he had no fear of anything any longer.

She closed her computer and walked out of her office.

**Deck 3**

Before she could rang the chime the door before her slid open and Counselor Troi was mere inches from her face.

"Beverly! It's so good to see you."

"You too Deanna." she said hugging her friend. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see Wes, but I'll go now...we'll talk soon." she hurried down the hall. Beverly stared after her wondering who suddenly lit a fire under her.

As the door opened, she noticed her son sitting at his desk.

"I hope I'm not intruding."

Wesley regarded her with a bright smile, he reached over and hugged her around her waist.

"No...till the Warden Crusher springs me...I'm just catching up on some of my classwork." He walked over and flopped down on his bed without the first argument.

"What did Counselr Troi want?"

"She wanted to talk about how I was feeling, and if I was realy ready to go to the academy after everything that happened."

"I've been wondering that myself."

"I am as ready as I'll ever be. As for this illness...I don't remember much. I remember throwing up on the Captain's shoes and passing out on the bridge, but that's about it. "

"You're lucky that's all you remember..."

"I wish I could remember more...apparently I missed a massage from Counselor Troi..." he smiled dreamily.

"Wesley Crusher!" a blush came to his cheeks.

He did look better, color had returned to his pale skin, and his appetite was coming back with much vigor...in fact he didn't seem as sick as his test results had indicated.

"Mom?" she shook her head as she sat down on his bed next to him.

"Yes Wes?"

"Are you okay...you don't seem yourself?"

" I could say the same thing about you." she replied. He sat up next to her on the bed and held her hand squeezing it gently.  
In his other hand he absentmindly fingered the the crystal around his neck.

"Wes...you seem...I mean...I guess...I don't know...I can't believe I'm complaining about this..."

"Mom what is it?"

"You seem so much more affectionate than before..."

He suddenly pulled his hand away as if he'd been burned. Cursing her words, she quickly grabbed his retreating hand and kissed it clutching it in both of her hands.

Wide brown eyes met calm blue ones.

"I'm sorry...I just meant, I'm not use to you being this way...I guess this brush with death affected both of us in different ways. I know I shared with you part of the nightmares I had when I was unconscious...but your death..." A head was now gently on her shoulder staring straight ahead.

" Mom, I'm alive. I'm right here and I'm only going to Starfleet Academy. I promise...I'll always do everything in my power to come home to you." he squeezed her hand and stood up from the bed. The trinket on his neck suddenly began to glow blue, a testament to his statement. He'd noticed that the crystal glowed certain colors based on his mood or feelings...but especially when he was fearful. Beverly caught a glimpse of the crystal as he walked towards the replicator.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"Coffee please. Wesley...I've been meaning to ask, where did you get the necklace from?"

He handed her the drink.

" I dunno. I thought you gave it to me. I thought it was a birthday present." She pulled him down to sit him next to her.

"It didn't come from me. Wesley, I've seen it before...but it was ...in my dream." A slow growl came from his lips.

"I'm beginning to think you wish I'd died mom..." he sighed, his head falling to his chest.

She quickly grabbed his chin and looked into his eyes. They held more sadness than she could measure. She had been dwelling so much on the past -on what was different about her son -about this change in circumstances, she hadn't concentrated on everything that was so right.

"Never Wesley." She sat down her cup and grabbed him in a full bear hug.

"I am so grateful that you are alive...I don't know how the Captain's antibodies were able to restore your damaged cells, and I don't care my love...but I am thankful for every second I have with you. Please believe me." she said quietly stroking his back.

"I believe you."

"I won't speak of this again. And I promise I'll announce myself before I jump out of your luggage when you go off to the academy." Wesley giggled.

"I think they'd frown upon that Mom."

"Maybe you're right...but I'm not giving you up without a fight."

"I would expect nothing less."  
************************************************** ************************************************** ******************************

The End

This ending leads to my story Final Mission. Thanks for reading : )


End file.
